When we fled the old house in August, it was under extreme duress. We were being harassed daily, prevented from sleeping and leaving the house. All visitors were harassed as well. I left with the cats and with what would fit in the trunk of the car. I ended up having to go back for all my belongings, but at the time we left, I did not expect there would be a house to take belongings out of.
We were in temporary safe housing for almost a month before we were able to purchase and move into our new home several hours away. That time in temporary housing was a refuge for all of us. We were safe. We could sleep. There was no gunfire or attempted arson.
I was very fortunate that we had a full kitchen with my multiple food allergies and the duration of time we were there. It was nice that the kitchen was stocked with necessities. There were pots and pans for cooking, a cookie sheet for baking, and dishware.
Opening the drawers to see what utensils were available, I was surprised and delighted to find an ice cream scoop. With one of my multiple food allergies being dairy, it is rare that I get allergy friendly ice cream. It is difficult to find and expensive when you can find it.
Seeing that ice cream scoop, I immediately thought how nice it would be to sit on the porch there and have a bowl of ice cream and watch the world go by. I wanted to relax. After months of daily harassment and not being able to relax due to injuries and repeated attacks to our physical safety, the ice cream scoop was a whimsical reminder of a bygone era of simpler times.
The closest grocery store to where we were staying was a Walmart. I was both surprised and delighted to find that they carry many allergy friendly items. They have items that I cannot find in more traditional grocery stores. After spending the past five years plagued by food shortages in the area we moved from, it was refreshing to have allergy friendly food choices again.
I chose an allergy friendly sorbet. I did indeed sit on that porch with a bowl of ice cream and relax for a few minutes. It was nice.
In the new house, I realized I need new coping skills. I have coping skills that got me through the stress of neighbor abuse. However, I don’t want to relive that time in my life. The abuse we experienced at the hands of two different families in that neighborhood is the worst abuse I have ever experienced.
I decided to purchase an ice cream scoop for the new house and that I would continue to put that allergy friendly sorbetto on my grocery list even though it is expensive. The ice cream scoop was only 97 cents. It is a dollar worth spending.
Now I can use the ice cream scoop in the new house and sit with a bowl of ice cream relaxing at night. Sometimes I just need a break for a few minutes. It’s been a rough year.
We are in a better place. Our lives are no longer in danger. However, it is very hard to just pick up and move to a completely new area where you know no one. We do have friends in the vicinity, but they are still about 45 minutes south. I need to meet new people in my immediate area (20 minutes or less).
I know this is going to be a hard winter as we do not have adequate supports here. It has proven very challenging to meet new people. I am having a hard time finding help with snow, lawn, electrical, plumbing and HVAC. Contractors do not answer their phones. They do not return messages. It is very challenging to get connected here when people won’t engage.
The good news is that we are all together. We are all safe. We are no longer harassed daily, threatened, or experiencing physical injuries as the result of other people’s actions. We are no longer in danger of being tortured and murdered (as they told us they were going to do many, many times).
I never thought I would have to completely move out of an area I lived in for 25 yeas of my life just to be safe from physical harm, but here we are.
We have a new beginning where we are no longer in danger. I am taking pleasure in simple pleasures like an ice cream scoop.
Throughout this process, I have come to realize the only thing that is important is that the cats and I are together and well. We all need to be able to access medical care. We are all together. Nothing else matters. We have love.
Sometimes you only need a 97 cent ice cream scoop to bring you joy.
A photo from my photo album from a few years ago camping with Sophie.
After my cats, my strongest attachment is my car. I’m one of those ones who will buy a Toyota and drive it until it dies. Sophie was my second Toyota. She was a green Corolla.
Sophie and I had many great memories together. She was the only car that all my cats rode in. Kitty, Kip, Jude, Simon, Jolene and Flower all rode in Sophie. We went to my favorite camping spot in the Adirondacks. We went surfing on Cape Cod.
My first Corolla was a base model. Sophie was the luxury model. She had a polished wood interior and plush, luxurious seats. Even with all the luxury, I was still able to fit a lot in Sophie for camping and for moving. Sophie was the nicest vehicle I have ever had in my life.
Sophie got the cats and I to safety. She made the 3-hour drive north to get us all to the safe house and out of the house with the abusive neighbors. In fact, it was in that exodus that Sophie gave her life protecting me. (That will be a story for another post, but yes, we did escape the neighbors who repeatedly injured us, harassed us, and attempted arson while we were in the house this past summer).
We also won’t talk about the deliberate damage Sophie incurred from the neighbors prior to her demise.
It’s hard for me to lose Sophie so soon after losing Jude. I don’t want to talk about what happened. I want to remember all the good times I had with Sophie. She was still young and low mileage compared to my first Toyota. My first Toyota had 283,000 miles on it when it died. Sophie only had 175,000.
Some of my best memories in life have been while driving. I remember summer 2015 when Sophie and I visited as many state parks as we could on our Empire Passport. She used to have a row of Empire Passport stickers in her window, back when they issued stickers before they went to the cards.
For a sedan, Sophie was surprisingly spacious and was able to transport my short board for surfing. For my long board, I needed a vehicle with a roof rack, but Sophie could handle the short board for surfing the Great Lakes.
We went to Boston and to various other cities in the northeast on marathon running trips. Sophie was my most reliable companion over the course of her entire life with me. So many things in life change, but Sophie was a constant for me for a long time.
Sophie was the most dependable being in my life, aside from the cats.
I knew it would happen eventually. No car lives forever. I was honestly hoping for another year or two. I wanted Sophie to make it to 20. She would have made it to 20, if it had not been for the neighbor situation. This year has been especially hard. In 2025, I lost my house (was bullied out of it), I lost Jude, and I lost Sophie. That’s 3. Bad luck comes in 3’s, so knock it off.
I haven’t even had time to properly grieve Jude or Sophie with everything that is going on.
The good news is that, yes, we are out of the house with the horrible neighbors and are in a new, safe location. More on that later. It was in that transition that Sophie died protecting me. I owe that car my life. It never should have ended for her like it did. Sophie deserved better.
On the bright side, Sophie carried my most precious cargo to safety. She was able to get the cats out of that house with the evil neighbors. I need to hold onto the good memories we had. The camping trips, the surfing trips, the park trips. Sophie kept us safe.
She was the best car ever. I love you and I miss you.
Minimalism takes on new meaning when you are preparing for a move. This move is not a joyful one – it’s not happiness about a new location or some other positive attribute that prompted the move. This is a move of necessity for safety. What makes it even more precarious is that we need a new place to live. I don’t know where we are going. I just know we need to leave.
This move will need to be done as quickly and as easily as possible. To be honest, when I bought this house, I thought it was my forever home. I truly thought we would be here for the rest of our lives and never move again. Never say never. Hopefully the move coming up this summer will be the final move. Fingers crossed.
I’ve been on this minimalist journey for a while now, but it’s different when you are moving. Here is what’s happening:
There were a lot of items in this house from the previous owner when I purchased it. The person had passed away, family members inherited it, and they did not clean it out completely. A few years ago, I hired a junk truck to take most of the items that had been left in the basement – rusted and broken tools, and items that were decades old. I found a very interesting fire alarm circa 1950s that I tried to donate to the Historical Society.
There are still items in this house (mainly the garage) from the prior owner. I do not want to do to the next owners of this house what was done to me and leave a bunch of junk behind.
Everything in this house will either be going with me, donated, or junked. Obviously, the preference is donation, but broken items and many of the items from the previous owner need to be junked.
In packing for the move, I am only taking with me what is necessary. I am getting rid of a lot of stuff. Some of it is stuff I like and use but am not willing to move. A lot of things I’m getting rid of because they are associated with this house, and I do not want to take things with me that remind me of this place. Some items I would keep if we were staying in this house, but I don’t want to move them.
You don’t realize how much stuff you have until you are trying to get it down into the smallest space possible. Most of the items moving with me are winter items like blankets. Winter blankets are bulky and take up space.
Some things that are leaving:
Teaching Supplies – I’m getting rid of all my teaching supplies. Honestly, this is hard. As you may know, many teachers purchase supplies using their own funds. While I enjoyed teaching, I lost my teaching job because no one could hear me. (No, “noise canceling headphones” did not help with the level of noise coming from vehicles here). I would like to volunteer my time to teach English as a Second Language again moving forward but now is not the time. We need to be someplace safe first.
My 23-year-old TV set – This one is hard. I have never had cable, but I have used the TV to watch DVDs. That is, when I can hear the TV. A few months ago, I thought the TV was starting to die – it had some discoloration in the bottom right corner of the screen. Then the discoloration went away, and it has acted normally. It is possible there is a tube going in the TV. At any rate, I don’t think it will survive another move. Even if it did survive another move, I don’t want to move it. I haven’t been able to enjoy my DVDs in two years now; I will go without. A TV is not something that’s important when you are leaving a bad situation.
My under desk / walking pad treadmill. This is in the basement. I got it so I would be able to run inside. When I go outside, I have been chased and taunted by children on bicycles (they were upset my security alarm went off when they were throwing rocks at my car and they were told to stop). It has been safer to try to run inside. It works, but I have no intention of moving it with me. Wherever we go, it will be safe to walk around outside again.
Tech Waste – There is tech waste in this home that should have left sooner but has been languishing in a “tech graveyard.” My microwave broke last fall. The broken microwave needs to leave. There is a laptop from 15 years ago and a broken robot vacuum.
A note on robot vacuums: I did enjoy the robot vacuum and felt like it helped me. However, after the robot vacuum broke, and now that I am faced with properly disposing of it, I am realizing it did not help me as much as I thought. Whether you use a traditional or a robot vacuum, you still must pick things up off the floor and move items around to be sure everything is cleaned. The robot vacuum often gets stuck on things like heat vents, so you must be alerted to rescue it. The robot vacuum was more work than it was help. It’s quicker to just use the traditional vacuum and do it yourself.
I will be much more thoughtful moving forward before purchasing technology and small appliances.
I am proud to say that I have minimized items enough that when I packed up CDs, DVDs and books, I only had one box each. In the case of books, the box was not even full, so I put other light items in there with the books. To be honest, DVDs and CDs are not things I have been able to enjoy the past two years here. I have been able to sit and relax with a book when things are calm. It’s been nice to get lost in a novel when things are challenging.
I am grateful that due to my minimizing efforts over the past several years, I only have one box of Christmas items to move. I am looking forward to being able to enjoy Christmas this year in a new, safe location.
Many things have already been downsized and donated, so in going through items now, it is truly a matter of “I don’t want to move this,” or “this is not necessary for survival in an emergency situation.” Once we get to a new location and can relax and enjoy a living space again, then I may decide that I want new items to enjoy. For now, this is about survival.
Of course, the most important part of the entire equation is keeping the cats and I together. I had bought this house to keep us together. We need a new place to live. That is the only thing that matters.
When it is time to move this summer, I currently have everything packed except for the kitchen, my clothes, and work. This entire process is stressful and disruptive. I am hoping that things come together for us to obtain new housing soon.
I’m trying to make this move as small and as efficient as possible. I remember when we moved from the apartment to this house, the people who helped me move commented on how organized it was. Everything was moved in a day. I have always done a DIY move. This will be the first move that I am unable to DIY due to my health.
I will need to pay professional movers for this one who can load a truck, drive a truck, and unload the truck for me. I can get most things packed (except for large items like furniture, microwave, vacuum cleaner and cat towers). I am not going to be able to drive a moving truck or do any loading again. My health is too precarious right now for that.
Any tips for deciding what to move with you when planning a big move? Any items that you recommend you can do without until you get to the new location? I’m sure there are frivolous things I have packed that could have been donated.
Packing has helped me to feel like I am doing something to move forward in a positive way. It is hard when you feel powerless in a situation. I may not know yet where we are going, but I know we need to move.
Of course, if necessary, I will leave it all behind just to get the cats and I out of here safely to a new location. Finding a place to live is the challenge.
This is going to be the most difficult move of my life, but it needs to be done. I am not sure where we are going, but I am preparing to leave. We need a place to live.
September is emergency preparedness month. I use it as a reminder each year to go through my emergency supplies. I make sure everything is stocked and rotated. This year is especially eye opening given that we lived through our first tornado (touchdown 2.5 miles from our house), multiple tornado warnings, and ongoing attacks from the neighbors that result in physical injuries.
When I went through the emergency supplies this year, I took a hard look at what worked, what didn’t work, and what is practical given a true emergency. To my surprise, I found that there were many things in our emergency stash that are unnecessary and a few essentials that are missing.
This post is not meant to be an exhaustive overview. It is also not going to be for everyone. Emergency preparedness looks different for people depending on family composition and life circumstances. However, I want to highlight some takeaways I have this year.
For reference, our family composition is one adult with multiple food allergies and a disability and three cats.
In the past, we have had a blizzard bag. A blizzard bag is a bag of supplies to help us get through 4-5 days of sheltering in place. We have huge snowstorms where I live. While raising our taxes, officials have cut back on essential service such as snowplowing. In large snowstorms, we are often cut off from town for 4-5 days at a time. The snow is so deep that we do not even have mail service. The fire department uses snowmobiles to check on people.
Our blizzard bag is now called a tornado tote. The tornado tote is full of supplies to last us 48 hours. The tornado tote is easy to pick up and carry into the basement when a tornado comes.
The tornado tote normally lives in the emergency wagon behind our front door. The emergency wagon contains supplies for up to 10 days. The thought process behind the emergency wagon is three-fold.
First, the emergency wagon helps us to shelter in place. If there is blizzard and we are cut off from town, all the supplies we need for 10 days are in the emergency wagon. It is in a central location. I know it has what we need without having to search all over the house for stuff.
Second, the emergency wagon is essential if we need to evacuate and can leave by car. In this case, I know that everything we need for 10 days is in the wagon. All I must do is take everything out of the wagon, throw it into the trunk of the car, and off we go. Again, everything is together in a central location. There is no running around the house searching for things or trying to figure out what we need.
Third, the emergency wagon is essential if we need to evacuate and must leave on foot. The wagon contains everything we need for 10 days. It has a handle. I can pull the wagon. The wagon would also help me transport all 3 cats. I can place their cat carriers on top of /in the wagon. A wagon would make it easier for all of us to leave when there is one human with three cats.
This is the basic outline of our emergency plan. Now, for some specifics on this year’s lessons.
First off, I’m not going to lie, preparing for an emergency is expensive. The cost of groceries is expensive. It can be cost prohibitive to gather supplies for up to 10 days. One strategy I use to deal with this, is to try to add one day’s worth of supplies to your grocery list per month.
In this manner, it will take a year, but at the end of the year, you will have your emergency supply. As an example, I add one gallon of water to my grocery list each month. I have 12 gallons of water. I rotate the gallons of water every month. As we have seen with the recent hurricanes, some people have gone without water for 2 weeks or more.
I also purchased LifeStraw. LifeStraw is small enough to put in our 48-hour bag. I waited until there was an online sale to order it. LifeStraw will be helpful if we have to evacuate and there is not enough time to get all the water gallons into the car or wagon. For the record, there are 3 water gallons in the emergency wagon. The rest of the water gallons are beside the wagon.
Second, prepare for your pets. In going through our emergency supplies last month, I found the cat harnesses and leashes. When Kip and Kitty were alive, they were both leash trained. Kip would walk on the leash like a dog.
However, Jude, Simon and Jolene are not leash trained. They have lived a pampered life compared to how things were when Kip and Kitty were alive. Jude and Simon will not allow me to put a harness on them at all. Jolene will let me put a harness on her, but she does the thing where she just flops over.
I can tell you right now, that if a cat will not wear a harness when they are relaxed and safe in their home, there is no way in hell you are going to get a harness on them in an emergency when everyone is stressed.
The harnesses and leashes are not practical. I took them out of the emergency supplies.
What is practical for cats are carriers and pillowcases.
We have a cat carrier for each cat and I have carriers that are medium, or one size larger than what people typically have for their cats. I do this for two reasons.
First, I believe a cat in a carrier should have enough room to turn around. If your cat cannot comfortably turn around in their carrier, then your carrier size is too small. Second, given that we are a family of three cats and one human, I cannot handle three carriers by myself comfortably. Worst case scenario, I must put two cats in one carrier. I can handle two carriers. There needs to be enough room for two cats. Granted, it will not be a comfortable fit, but we are talking about an emergency.
While I have not tried it, I have heard from other pet parents that pillowcases are essential. The idea is that you grab the cat and stuff them in the pillowcase to get them out when you can’t get the carrier. Again, I have not personally tried this. To me, it sounds like a nightmare. I can’t get a harness on my cat, and you think I am going to stuff him in a pillowcase? But I do have three pillowcases in event of emergency. I want to be prepared. I do not have experience with the pillowcase thing, but it comes recommended, and I want to be prepared for a true emergency.
As far as food and water bowls go, I got the collapsible kind that are used for dogs who travel. They are lightweight. Since they collapse, they do not take up much space in the emergency bag. I rotate the emergency food every year.
For the human, I have been able to save up to buy freeze dried foods (MREs). I got these from a backpacking/hiking/camping company that specializes in food that does not require cooking or heating, just water to rehydrate. Again, these are expensive up front. However, they have a shelf life of 25 years, so I do not have to rotate and replace the human food supplies every year. For the record, I have tried some of them to see how they taste, and I must say they are excellent.
There is a lot more I could talk about that goes into our plans and supplies for emergency preparedness. However, this year I just want to highlight the lessons I learned about the cat harnesses and the tornado tote. Given that we are living in an ongoing emergency, there is a lot to prepare. If you spread the cost out over the course of a year, it can be done even on a budget.
When we had the tornado this year, it was the first time a tornado has ever touched down here in almost 200 years. Tornadoes are not normal. Yet, we had multiple warnings this past summer. All sort of weather records is being broken every day.
I would not say that I am a prepper. I am realistically prepared. Eleven months out of the year, the emergency wagon sits there, and I don’t think about it. When the tornado warnings go off, I grab the tornado tote and we all head to the basement. When we are snowed in for a blizzard, I know that if I run out of things, the emergency supply is there to sustain us if we need it.
Be sure to include your pets in your emergency plan. Be realistic based on their needs and personalities. Pets are family. If you evacuate, take your pets with you.
It was winter 2022, either January or February. I don’t remember which. I work from home, and I sit near a window, so I can see out during the workday. A pickup truck came up the street, stopped, and a few colored items flew out the window. The truck sped off. The colored items that flew out were two kittens who were thrown out of the truck.
From their size, I estimated the kittens were somewhere between 6 months and 1 year old. There was Reba, a pregnant calico. I was able to catch her and get her to the animal shelter. They confirmed she was pregnant at under a year old. The other cat, Kenny, a black and white tuxie, was more elusive. I saw him at a distance, but he would not come close.
Eventually, Kenny found refuge in my garage. I would see him outside interacting with longtime stray, Tom. Kenny pretty much lives in my garage. He uses the insulated cat shelters. He eats the food I set out. I see him every morning when I set out food and every evening when I bring food inside.
Last fall, about 6 months after being thrown from a truck, Kenny started to come closer to me. He has gotten to the point where he loves to be pet. He rubs up against me and purrs. He loves attention and loves to play.
In January 2023, the shelter had an opening to take another one of the strays I have been helping. I was confident that Kenny would be trapped and go to the shelter to be adopted. Kenny is very friendly and would be a great house cat. He has so much love to give and truly needs a home.
However, Tom was in the trap in January 2023. Tom went to the shelter and has since been adopted into a loving forever home. I am so happy for Tom. He is older, at least 10, with health issues. He was a favorite of shelter staff, as they said he is one of the most gentle strays they have ever taken in to be adopted. He is so happy and loved in his forever home.
Kenny is still here.
I cannot take in a fourth house cat either physically or legally. There is a three pet per house law here. Also, I can say that having three house cats is a definite stretch for me with resources. I do handle it, and I do not regret Jude, Simon or Jolene at all, but I know that I cannot handle a fourth cat. Kenny desperately needs a home, but it cannot be mine.
Kenny has gotten so friendly that he has tried to come into the house. However, I have to close the door instead of letting him in because the inside cats start to chase him, and I cannot have my inside cats escaping outside. Not only would I lose one of my beloved inside cats, but they would chase away Kenny too. Of course, if Kenny came inside, I would not put him out. I would take him to the shelter and insist they take him because he came inside.
The shelter knows that Kenny is here. However, they are too full of kittens right now to take another stray cat from me. Kenny is one of two outside cats that are left I am caring for.
The other outside cat I am still caring for is Flower. I have been caring for Flower for 5 years. Flower used to live in the house next door, until they kicked her out and moved. I want to trap Flower to get her to the shelter too.
Kenny and Flower are the last two outside strays I am helping. As soon as the shelter has space, I will trap one to take for medical care and adoption. Since I have bought this house, I have gotten three outside cats to the shelter for adoption: Reba (thrown from the truck), Tom (one of the original strays with Flower), and Clare (one of the original strays with Flower and Tom).
There is a sense of urgency in trapping the strays and getting them to the shelter to be adopted. There is a dog fighting ring in the area. They spray paint the stray cats and use them as bait. The SPCA know the dog fighting ring is here, but refuses to do anything about it due to how much money it brings in. Incidentally, the SPCA also just lost their contract to provide services here.
The rescue I work with when I trap the strays and take them to shelter is NOT the SPCA. There is a different, non-profit 100% volunteer run shelter I am working with to find the strays forever homes and rescue them from the dog fighting ring.
I truly worry for Kenny, as he is so friendly. I am hoping to find him a home soon so that he can be out of this area with the dog fighting ring. Not to mention, he is the friendliest of the strays. It is very obvious he had a home once, and wants and needs one again. I am confident that if it were not for my inside cats chasing him away, he would probably come right into my house if I left the door open and let him inside.
I am really hoping that the shelter will have space to take Kenny this fall. In addition to the dog fighting ring, I am worried about Kenny being abused due to his coloring. Kenny is the sweetest cat and so trusting. He truly deserves a forever home.
This is Kenny’s story so far. I’m really hoping I can find him a forever home soon.
I’m not sure how much longer I will be alive. Not only am I on the euthanasia list, but the American government is actively engaged in genocide with a level 3 biohazard known as covid. We are experiencing a 9/11 worth of covid deaths daily, yet the government says the pandemic is “over.” So many people are dying of covid here, they are being put in mass graves.
But to be optimistic on my birthday, I am hoping to live to age 60 to outlive the cats. I need to be able to take care of them and keep them together.
Before the pandemic, when I bought the house, I decided it was time to take care of some important planning as part of being a responsible adult. I wrote my own obituary and outlined my wishes for my funeral. At the time, I considered this “long term planning.”
Part of my planning was that I came up with a playlist of songs that represent my life. I chose 26.2 songs. A marathon is 26.2 miles. I am a marathon runner. There are 26 randoms songs. The .2 are two Christmas songs, kind of as a bonus. My plan was for the playlist to be played at my funeral for people to have something to remember me by and as a way to have insight into my life.
Given that so many people now are just being thrown into mass graves with all of the covid deaths, I highly doubt I will have a funeral or a death how I want it.
I have decided that on my birthday I want to post my playlist today. I want people to celebrate my life. Every day I am alive is a precious gift. I just want to outlive my cats.
I am quite sure that even if I live for another 15 or 20 years and then die, that my playlist will be the same. These are truly songs that tell the story of my life.
I am giving you the annotated version in random order. The songs are not in any particular order. I will post a link to the YouTube version of the song linked to the song title if you want to listen to my playlist. Each song has a brief description of why it has been chosen.
So today on my birthday, I want to celebrate life by sharing with you the 26.2 songs in the key of my life with you. Enjoy. Celebrate being alive. Life is precious and so fleeting.
This is the song that inspired my baby name. Jude did indeed live up to his name. He came into my life at a very challenging time and “took a sad song and made it better.”
This song has been in the background of my life for as long as I remember. It has echoed off the mountains of the Adirondacks. I named a room in my house after this song. I have just lived it and felt it as a part of me always. From childhood to death. I was not as strong as you think. I have always “wished you were here,” but I honestly never knew who I was wishing for because people always flowed through my life like water.
Another song that reflects my life. It’s also about hockey. Every time I hear it, I think of the movie “Miracle.” I love to read. “Half my life is on book’s written pages.”
This was my theme song when I finally completed my bachelor’s degree at Binghamton University in 2011 after having spent 15 year fighting for a 4-year degree while working 2-3 jobs. It also describes exactly what I want for my funeral: “You can take my urn to Fenway spread my ashes all about.”
Wow. This is my Cranberry song. It is my life song. I have literally lived every single lyric in this song. I have “seen the world through a bus windshield.” I spend every Cranberry sitting in an old blue chair. I have often been there to “let go of a lover who took a piece of my heart.” I have fallen asleep in that blue chair and “woke up to a million mesquito bites.” I have lived this song more than any other. It was so hard picking a Kenny song, as he is one of my top 3 favorite artists, but this is my song.
In my dreams. This is the song for when I want to give a middle finger to the world. Plus, it is the perfect beach day song for my many day road trips to the state parks.
This is another song I have lived. This is for my first New York girlfriend. Thank you for breaking the geography barrier for me and for teaching me that I am who I am no matter where I am and that is completely okay. “I got to sing, I got to dance, I got to be a part of a great romance, still forbidden, still outrageous …”
This was for when I reclaimed my childhood by taking drum lessons. This song healed my heart when Kip died. This song healed my heart when Kitty died. I have cried to this song. I have made love to this song. I fell down the stairs (due to my disability) when this song was playing. I danced around the living room (with wine) to this song. It was hard to pick which Flo song to put on this list, but it had to be this one. This song has seen me through good and bad. “Sweeter than Heaven and hotter than Hell”
Pretty much. You would not believe how many people have called me a bitch to my face. So whether you’re here to toast me in respect or spit on my grave, this is for you. “The ones that need me, got me. The ones that doubt me can’t stop me.”
This is the song that I play when driving north for my annual ADK camping trip. It reminds me of the little outside bar in the middle of the woods that you could only get to by hiking.
Many of my best memories come from the beach in winter. Whether it was surfing the waves or just watching a storm come in, I loved being on the oceans and the lakes. I always joke that Taylor should come to the rainbow side and would be my future ex-wife. Her best albums are Lover and Midnights. So I had to include a T.Swift song. This one just brings back wonderful memories of the cottage on Cayuga Lake and the Kennedy Compound on Cape Cod.
This was my theme song for the brief moments in time when I received respite from my disability. It’s how I think about life and I was so happy to be alive and be able to do what I wanted to do.
Def Leppard is my most favorite band of all time. I fell in love with them at 8 years old. I saw them in concert twice. It was so hard to choose, when I love 99% of the songs they’ve ever done. But this one rings true for me and has since I was a child.
I love Dolly. It was hard choosing one of her songs. This is the song that inspired my baby name. Jolene was auburn and white. This is one of the most misunderstood songs in music history. To truly get why this song has spoke to my soul, you need to listen to a podcast called “Dolly Parton’s America” from WNYC Studios (2019) episode 6: “The Only One for Me, Jolene.”
The very first time I went to Boston was in high school back in the 90s for Harvard Model Congress. I had flown up from Virginia and was rooming with this chick who completely blew my mind from Chicago. We listened to REO on vinyl and shared strawberry shortcake at Hard Rock. Of all REO songs, this one exemplifies my life. “If you’re tired of the same old story, turn some pages.”
For my son, Simon. Simon’s name came from many places. It came from Paul Simon, Simon as the character in The Saint, so we had the physics connection with the other kids, and also the Chipmunks. Although, sometimes with his mischief, I would joke he should have been named Alvin. Simon is one of the five most important loves of my life.
This is another song I have lived. This is for my Kennedy Compound secret that we kept for over 20 years. You made me crawl through the window because I would not commit. Yet, my surfboard lived in the garage when I returned from Cali. In memory of days in P-town, nights in Truro and endless sand. All I can say is “thank you.” I left a part of my heart on Kalmus Beach and in at least one part of heaven, I’ll be riding the waves there once again. You were the harmony to my melody.
This reminds me of the person who held my heart in their hands since we were 8 years old. Thank you for giving me some of my best and most memorable birthdays in my 30s. You chose cocaine over me. I’m not judging, I’m not sad, I’m not mad. I was still here for you until I took my last breath. I hope you know that.
This is for the person who not only provided me safe harbor in the storm, but also gave me the strength to stand on my own two feet on the shore without getting pummeled by waves. You taught me to surf. You taught me about wine. You gave me freedom, light and love. Then, you moved on, and it was okay. Thank you for changing my life and giving me the skills I needed to readjust my sails. I listened to this song every Cranberry morning after I met you. You showed me the beauty of lake and ocean in winter.
This song describes what I went through going back and forth between Massachusetts and New York for decades. Every time I crossed the border back into New York, it broke my heart. I was crying so hard, it’s a wonder I did not get ticketed more than what I did.
This was my running theme song for the first half of my running career. I had claimed it before it became popular with the rest of the running community. I grew up in poverty. I know exatly what this song was talking about. Running was my one chance in life to be great.
This was my running theme song for the second half of my running career. It outlines exactly what it takes to run a marathon. When your body gives out, you run with your heart.
This song reminds me of growing up, but especially, high school. I’ve always believed this to be true, even in the times when I felt I had nothing more to give. “It ain’t the life you choose, but the life you live.”
This song describes the existential crisis I experienced my entire life from the moment I could think. I have always oscillated between happiness being found on the highway or parked in the driveway.
This song reminds me of my childhood. It reminds me of my grandfather working his farm and teaching me that the most important thing in life is to work hard to provide for your family. You have to work hard so you can love. I spent 25 years working 60-80 hour weeks trying to make ends meet before my disability made me slow down to 40 hours a week. I would not have made it if not for the lessons my grandfather taught me.
This is my favorite Christmas song by my favorite Christian rock band. I love the bass on it. The drums on this song is how the little drummer boy is supposed to sound.
August 30 is our 4 year anniversary of being in this house. We bought it on what would have been Ted Williams’ 100th birthday. The sole purpose of this house was to keep Jude, Simon and I together. Our apartment had been taken over by a new landlord who doubled the rent and stated the building needed to be pet free. We had to leave or be evicted. All other rentals in the area are either no pets or one pet only. What parent is going to choose between their children? I’m not. We had to stay together.
This house keeps us together. For Jolene, it is the only home she has ever known. Simon has been in the house longer than he was in the apartment. Jude will pass that milestone this winter. It will be another decade before I reach that milestone.
As grateful as I am that this house keeps us together, I don’t want to be here. I wish I could pick up the house and move it someplace else due to the bad neighbors. I can’t even use my living room or my front porch (both reasons why I even bought the damn house) due to the neighbors driving into the front of it twice now. Every day I live in fear that I will be murdered in my own house.
Selling this house will be difficult, as I will have to do the bad neighbors disclosure. It is also possible that by the time I sell, there will no longer be a garage and there will be many things that needs to be done to the house. I’m expecting that I will lose money when it comes time to sell. On top of that I will have to pay back $10k to the low-income program that helped me.
This will be the only home I ever own. I was repeatedly denied a mortgage due to my student loans. I am in PSLF. I had applied for forgiveness after 10 years of teaching. The only reason why I was approved for this house and my mortgage is that the bank thought my student loans would be forgiven through PSLF. Boy, were they wrong. Here I am in this house and about to enter year 26 of student loan repayment with no end in sight. I have been denied student loan forgiveness twice now. Brandon refuses to forgive student loans, instead choosing to simply waive a few months of interest. I know I will never be approved to buy another house due to my student loans. Once I sell this one, I will be stuck as a renter for the rest of my life.
This house is what is keeping us together. You can’t have pets in apartments here.
Once the cats pass away from natural causes, I do intend to sell the house. I won’t need it anymore. I don’t want to be here. I will be leaving the country and moving someplace more affordable that also has healthcare. I will, after all, be paying my student loans until I die. I need to decrease expenses as much as possible,
So, while we celebrate the fact that we have been in this house for 4 years and that it is keeping us together, I am also looking forward to the day when I can sell it and leave the country permanently.
My only goal is to outlive the cats. They need to be together, cared for, and loved. This house keeps us together.
We are so grateful to be together in these horrible times we live. Thank you for this house keeping the 4 of us together. Here’s hoping it holds up long enough to keep us together for the rest of Jude, Simon and Jolene’s natural lives. I just need to outlive them and keep us all together. This house keeps us together. Happy house-iversary.
During a recent conversation with someone, I came to the realization that I used to have a life. You are probably laughing, but it’s true. I had a very full, active life before the pandemic. I ran marathons with 40,000+ people, I traveled all over the USA and into Canada, I went to coffee shops, the library, and was gearing up for a run for local political office before the pandemic hit.
As an immune compromised person in the pandemic, my life literally stopped in March 2020. I have not been in a store since February 2020. I have not been indoors with other humans except for medical care and essential house maintenance. I have not been touched or hugged. I am alone with the cats. The only reason why I even drive anymore is because the mechanic told me not to let the car sit. I need to take it out at least once a week to be sure it will be in working order when I do need to drive it to a medical appointment.
Before the pandemic, I had a full life. I ran a book club at the local library. I wanted to run for local office to make my community a better place. That all stopped. Now life has become an act of survival. I’m just trying to outlive the cats to keep them all together. I am also trying to realize my goal of reaching 26 medals. I want to achieve 26 medals before I get covid in the off-chance that it doesn’t kill me like it has everyone I know. There is a very tiny possibility it will only permanently disable me and not kill me.
The pandemic is a huge line in the sand between before and after.
Despite what the government may say, the pandemic is not over, by the way. The refrigerated truck returned to town this weekend for the dead bodies. Yes, here we are August 2022 and once again the hospital cannot keep up with all the dead bodies from covid, so the refrigerated trucks have returned. That’s ok. Just keep living your life like it’s 2019 without bothering to wear a mask.
As an immune compromised person, at this point in the pandemic, I am just waiting to die. After all, I am on the government euthanasia list. America does not like to talk about the death clinics that were open for 7 weeks in the fall of 2021. The government wants people with disabilities to die. So keep going out and socializing with no mask like covid is over while the bodies pile up in refrigerated trucks and mass graves once again.
My life as I knew it ended when the pandemic started. It has been a hard realization that life will never be the same again. No one cares if I live or die. In fact, every maskless person in this country is actively trying to murder people like me. It’s America. Murder is acceptable, after all.
Moving forward, my only goal is to attempt to outlive the cats so I can give them the best life possible and keep them together. I have no other purpose in life. The entire country wants people “like me” to die in the pandemic. The CDC even says that people like me are the ones who SHOULD die.
My life may not matter to you, but it matters to the three furry lives I have saved.
In order to keep us together and for me to fulfill my obligation to them, we need to pay the bills to keep us all together. We also need healthcare.
The biggest obstacle is figuring out new ways to make money and bring in income. The economy is more important than any human life in America. All Americans are expendable. I am not willing to risk my life for any job. There is no job on this planet that is worth risking your life.
So this is now a time of reinvention. I need to figure out how to bring in income in a way that does not threaten my life. While the government wants everyone to work in person and does not care who dies of covid, I am not willing to risk my life for the economy.
Moving forward, I am looking for ways to bring in passive income, freelance, and work online. My doctors say I am only supposed to have fully masked outdoor visits, so I can no longer work in person. This is going to be my life for probably the foreseeable future. I need to learn to pivot to a 100% online format.
Some ventures I am looking into include accepting donation for writing this blog through buymeacoffee/rachelgoes262
I am also looking into publishing an e-book in the near future. To be honest, I am hoping that the book just sells enough to cover its publication. We will see.
Anyone else have any suggestions for how to bring in income virtually? I need to recreate my life so that we can survive the pandemic. How has your life changed now that we have been reduced to survival?
It’s been well over 5 years now since Afshin died. I was working my dream job at the time. I was the human resources / training supervisor for a prestigious American research firm that worked projects not only across the country but also internationally. I supervised over 50 employees.
There are many people and moments during the course of my time working my dream job that stick out, and one of them is Afshin. We will use his first name to respect the privacy of the deceased.
I remember Afshin as a good worker, but even more importantly, as an amazing human being. He was one of those people that when they pass, you wish you had the opportunity to have more conversations with them. They just brought so much joy and life to those around them and had so much to give.
In fact, I remember Afshin’s work as exceptional. He had even been offered a management position, and turned it down. He said that he preferred to remain in the job he was doing. We were always hopeful that he would change his mind about the management position, but he never did.
Afshin was highly educated with an engineering degree, yet he stayed in an entry level position at a research firm. I remember in some of my conversations with Afshin learning that he was brought to the USA by his parents from a very young age. Unfortunately, I do not remember what country they immigrated from, just that it was a war-torn country and they had come here for a better life. Afshin said both of his immigrant parents worked hard and sacrificed so that he could get his engineering degree from an Ivy League school.
Both of his parents had already passed away by the time he started working for us. The rest of his family in their home country had been killed. Some of the family members were confirmed dead. Others were presumed dead, as he was never able to locate any living family members. Afshin was truly alone in the world.
He had many friends at work. Everyone loved Afshin. We always made sure he had invitations for holidays. People enjoyed spending time with Afshin. He was just a great guy.
So it was extremely unusual when Afshin did not show up for work two days in a row. No one could get ahold of him. This was not normal.
The day that Afshin died, he had been out to a movie with a friend from work. The friend remembers they talked for a little bit after the movie, then went home.
Afshin lived in an apartment alone and did not show up for work for two days. We contacted police to do a wellness check. Afshin was found dead and alone in his apartment.
The coroner determined that there was no foul play involved in his death. However, there are questions as to whether it was intentional or accidental. As a friend who valued Afshin, I like to think it was accidental. As someone with experience performing psychological autopsies, I’m afraid it looks intentional.
Whether accidental or intentional, his death was a horrible tragedy. There was not a single employee in our company who Afshin did not touch in a positive way. The entire organization was in grieving.
As Afshin had no family and no will, his body became a “Ward of the State” in New York State. This means that the Adult Protective Office was responsible for his corpse and in charge of his remains.
Did Afshin want to be buried? Did Afshin want to be cremated? No one knew. As a Ward of the State, it did not matter. His life, death, and corpse became just another piece of paper that some bureaucrat in the Adult Protective Office pushed across their desk.
Do you know what happens when a corpse becomes a Ward of the State and the Adult Protective Office is declared the guardian?
I will tell you.
First off, heaven forbid you have any friends that care about you. Friends have zero legal standing when you have no will and no family. The State does not care. You are just a dead body they don’t want and are now responsible for disposing.
As his employer, we fought for information about Afshin’s corpse and what would happen to him. First off, how many employers would fight for a dead employee like that? We did. We cared.
Deceased Wards of the State are buried in an open field. There is no funeral, no graveside service. There is no stone or grave marker. The deceased body Is quite literally given latitude and longitude coordinates of where it is buried. That is it. These latitude and longitude coordinates are marked in a file. The file is placed in a drawer for 7 years. After 7 years, the file is shredded. You are gone, dead and buried with no grave marker and not even a human that knows the latitude and longitude coordinates of where your body is located.
We fought tooth and nail to get those latitude and longitude coordinates disclosed to us. Would the Adult Protective Office let us know when they planned the burial so we could have a small group stand there with respect and offer prayers? No. They refused to release that information. Graves are dug at night and never announced. The Adult Protective Office does not want anyone there. They don’t want anyone to know they are burying some poor person who died with no family, no will, and no money.
We were able to obtain the latitude and longitude coordinates of where Afshin was buried after he was buried there. Of course, that’s assuming he actually is buried there. They could have just provided us with random coordinates. Maybe they provide the same set of coordinates to any friend of a deceased person who inquires.
Once provided the coordinates, of course we visited. It took a GPS to find the location. There was no marker. It was just an open field. Families could have picnics there. Children could play tag. No one would know they were playing on a mass grave site of poor people who have been buried as Wards of the State.
My employer paid for a marker for Afshin. We had to go through several hoops to have a marker placed at his coordinates. The marker was so small, we could only put his name. There was not enough room for dates. We were allowed a small phrase. The phrase we chose was “A Kind Soul.” There is a small marker with his name that says “A Kind Soul” and nothing else. That is all that remains of Afshin.
I have a feeling that the only reason at all why we were able to get coordinates and other information we did from Adult Protective Office was because we were the employer. Also, this happened in a relatively small city, where you could get people to show some compassion in certain situations. I’m sure if this had happened in a much larger city, we would not have gotten the coordinates or any other information we did.
Both Afshin’s life and his death is something that I’m sure will stay with me for a very long time. I have never before known someone whose corpse became a Ward of the State under the supervision of Adult Protective Office.
Afshin should be remembered for his life. He was A Kind Soul. He was an amazing person. His death was a tragedy. The way his corpse was treated as a Ward of the State was horrific. There has got to be a better way to honor the dead than burying them unmarked with just a latitude and longitude coordinate to mark the body.
I’m not sure what the answer is here. I just know that Afshin deserved better.
To be completely honest, I do not want a death like Afshin’s. I want to matter. I want someone to care. For the record, we cared. We were his coworkers. We were his friends. It was just a challenge that as friends, we felt completely helpless when he died because we had no legal ground to be able to have a service or handle any arrangements. The last thing anyone wants in death is to become a Ward of the State.
The average American uses about 60 gallons of water per day, or about 5,400 gallons per quarter. That is a lot of water. Our water bill arrives quarterly. I am usually in the 4,000 – 5,000 gallon range. I thought I was doing pretty well compared to the “average” American.
One of the benefits of being home all the time in the pandemic as a permanent remote worker is that I am actually home and have more control over my environment. I am not in a rush to get out the door, tearing through the house and throwing things around just trying to make it out the door. Being home all the time, I am more mindful of the resources I am using.
Being home all the time, I am better able to manage things like the temperature in my home. I can open and close windows when needed to cool off the house and not rely so much on the air conditioning unit. I can do things like reuse the grey water from the dehumidifier for flushing the toilet and for washing clothes.
If I had to work outside the house, I would not have the time or energy to do these things that are not only saving me money, but also reducing my energy use and helping the environment.
I have been trying to reduce my water usage by reusing grey water. I take the water from the dehumidifier and use it when flushing the toilet to refill the tank. This way, I am not using “fresh” water to fill the tank. I am reusing the water the dehumidifier took out of the air.
For the record, dehumidifier water is NOT safe for drinking water.
I have also been taking dehumidifier water and pouring it into the washing machine to reduce the amount of water the washing machine needs to use to fill to launder clothes. Reusing the grey water from the dehumidifier are little steps that I have been taking to try to reduce water usage. Many areas of the United States are in a drought, after all.
Reusing grey water made a small adjustment in my water usage. It was not very noticeable in my quarterly water bill.
However, there was one water changed this past quarter that made a HUGE impact in not only the amount of gallons I use, but also my bill.
The amount of water gallons I used dropped almost in half.
What did I do?
Well, it’s more what I have been forced to do. This was not a choice and it was not something I thought to do. It was an adjustment made out of necessity.
Back in March. Shortly after my birthday, the hot water heater died. I am still on a waiting list with two different plumbers to have it fixed. It is hard to do anything around here because the covid rates are so high. Of course, covid is affecting the plumbers, as they have to go into people’s homes.
So for the past quarter, I have had to find work arounds for hot water. I have been heating water in a pot on my stove to use to wash dishes and for bathing. This means that instead of water just running down the drain, my water use is now measured.
Did you know the average American uses 50 gallons of water to shower? That’s all water down the drain. 50 gallons is the size of my hot water tank. Since the hot water heater is not working, I have to heat water on my stove and have been taking bucket showers. This means that I am using about 1.5 gallons of water to take a shower. It is more than sufficient.
Yup. You read that right. I have gone from using 50 gallons of water for a shower to 1.5 gallons. That is assuming that the average American shower uses 50 gallons of water statistically. That’s a huge savings.
In addition, when washing dishes, I am only heating about a gallon of water. Prior to the hot water heater breaking, I would just turn water on and let it run down the drain waiting for it to heat up. Now, I just turn water on, fill up the pot and heat it on the stove. There is no lost water going down the drain.
Of course, I am using cold water in my washing machine. However, I was primarily using cold water in the washing machine prior to the hot water heater breaking. Occasionally, I would do a warm wash, but for the most part, I am washing clothes in cold water.
Of course, I am privileged in that I am home and have time to heat water on my stove to use for dishes and bathing. I can tell you right now that if I had to work outside the home, it would be a hell of a lot easier to just turn on the shower and bathe than it is to take a bucket shower.
The shower does work, by the way. I just can’t bring myself to take a cold shower. This is why I have been heating water on the stove and taking bucket showers.
I am still on the waiting list with two different plumbers to have my hot water heater fixed. Worst case scenario, it will be fixed this fall when my furnace is serviced. Heat is a necessity. Hot water is not a necessity. Hot water is a luxury.
Yes, I do want my hot water heater fixed. Life would be so much easier if I could just get hot water out of the faucets again. However, it is hard to believe that I have literally cut my water use in half since the hot water heater broke. It’s all because my water use is now measured. I only heat the amount of water that I absolutely need to use. I am using less water overall. It is not just needlessly and mindlessly running down the drains anymore.
It is possible that I will get the hot water fixed, and then still use the heating water on the stove method. I will probably use both. To be honest, I would love to take a normal shower again. However, having to make do without the hot water heater these past few months has not been all that bad. Sure, it takes more planning. However, I am home and able to implement the work arounds.
What tips do you have for reducing water use? Do you try to lighten your environmental impact? I am only one person, but I do what I can to be earth friendly. I am privileged to have running water, even if the hot water heater is waiting to be repaired.
rewindliveslow 