Month: December 2022

End of Year in Review

/ rachelgoes262 / 3 Comments

For 20 years I would make the trip 3.5 hours north to the Adirondacks (ADK) for my annual Labor Day weekend camping trip. That camping trip was my vacation every year. It was the only 3-day in a row stretch I ever had off. 

While in the ADK, I would rest, relax and reflect on the past year. I would do a journal entry to document everything that happened in the past year. I was in college working on my degrees and working 3 jobs trying to make ends meet. Life was moving at a fast pace. I was making progress. I used the time to celebrate my wins and focus on what I could do better. 

For me, Labor Day weekend each year was my New Years. It was the time to reset. It was right before, or at the beginning of, the fall semester.

The last trip I made to the ADK was in 2019. Somehow, there was this feeling inside me like I knew it would be my last visit there. 

Then the pandemic hit. 

Instead of celebrating wins, change, and goals, I’m back to trying to survive. Yes, I did have some big wins this past year. My novella is published. I now have 25 medals. I only have to earn one more medal to achieve my goal of 26 medals.

The biggest win is the fact that I am still alive in the middle of a global pandemic and that the cats and I are still together. 

I’m not sure if I will survive another 10-14 years that I need to outlive the cats. There is so much death right now. I am not privileged enough to think I will escape death. After all, I am on the government euthanasia list. The death clinic called me daily for 7 weeks straight in the fall of 2021 trying to schedule my euthanasia appointment.

It is becoming increasingly difficult to access healthcare in this pandemic. How do you live for another 10-14 years without access to healthcare?

My one goal in life is to outlive the cats so I can take care of them and keep them together. For the first time in my life, I have a goal that I am not sure I can achieve. As the covid situation becomes increasingly dire in this country, I just don’t see myself living for another decade. 

I have decided that I will no longer do a Year in Review for New Year’s. There is no reason to document or reflect on things that went well or things I can improve. I have one goal. That goal is to survive. As long as I survive to live another year, that is the only thing I have to celebrate. 

All my hopes and dreams mean nothing without the cats. I cannot achieve anything without my health. Since the health of the entire human race is in peril right now, my only goal is survival. 

If I can outlive the cats, then I will dream. I will leave the country. But right now, as long as I can survive another year and take care of my cats, that is all I need for a New Year’s goal. 

So here is to the New Year. I survived 2022. May I survive 2023 as well. 

(No more) Blue Christmas

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The last Christmas I spent living “at home” with family was as a teenager in the 90s. Out of all of the horrible Christmases of my childhood, the last Christmas was one of the most traumatic. It was the year of the Blue Christmas.

That holiday season, my mother’s married boyfriend had broken up with her. She dated this married man for about a decade. He would vacillate between telling her he was going to divorce his wife and breaking up with her. When they finally broke up for good after a decade of this, he divorced his wife within 6 months and married someone else (not my mother). 

This particular Christmas was about year three or maybe year four of their relationship, and he had broken it off with her right before the holidays. My mother proclaimed that year was a Blue Christmas.

The Christmas tree was blue. While not-green Christmas trees may be popular now, they weren’t in the 90s. Somehow, my mother found a blue Christmas tree. The lights were all blue. The garland was blue. Every single ornament on the tree was blue. Every Christmas decoration my mother put out that year was blue, including the fake snow.

She took empty boxes, wrapped them in (guess what?) blue wrapping paper and put them under the tree. She said that the empty boxes were presents that year. Maybe they were a reflection of how she was feeling.

Elvis’ Blue Christmas played on repeat in the house for a straight month. There were no other Christmas songs played. The radio was not allowed to be on. The only music playing was Elvis’ Blue Christmas on repeat for an entire month. I’m not exaggerating. She actually did this. 

To this day, every time I hear Blue Christmas, I feel nauseous. I have to turn it off. I cannot bear to hear that song ever again, no matter who is singing it. 

I recently heard a Norah Jones Christmas song on the radio and was thinking I would like to buy her Christmas CD. When I looked up her Christmas CD, I saw that Blue Christmas was on the album. I will not purchase the album. I refuse to own a single CD containing the Blue Christmas song, no matter who is singing it. 

To this day, I refuse to have anything blue at Christmas. I do not want blue lights. I do not want blue ornaments. I do not want any blue Christmas decorations. 

There is one exception.

I have this bluebird of happiness on my Christmas tree. It was made by the (now retired) receptionist at our veterinarian office. It is the only blue thing I will have for Christmas. It is the bluebird of HAPPINESS. As Catherine O’Hara says in Home Alone, Christmas is the Season of Perpetual Hope. The bluebird of happiness is the only blue thing I allow at Christmas.

There will be no blue Christmases in my household as an adult. We choose happiness. 

Merry Christmas. May it be happy and full of love. 

Medal 25

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It’s A Wonderful Run has been on my running list for over a decade now. I’ve been keeping an eye on it and either the weather does not cooperate or it is too close to my fall marathon. This year everything came together perfectly so I was finally able to complete this race on my Bucket List!

The town of Seneca Falls, NY was the setting for Bedford Falls in the Wonderful Life movie. The location is just over an hour from me. While I really wanted to be able to do the race in person and run over the famous bridge in the movie, I did the Covid-safe virtual option.

Using my Garmin, I submitted my official results for the race. I am quite proud in that I was the first female Masters finisher and the second overall Masters finisher! This is the second time since I achieved Masters running status in 2019 that I have come in first place in a race! 

The bell on the medal really does ring. It is most certainly a cherished medal. I am so happy that for medal 25 I was able to finally participate in It’s A Wonderful Run.

If you would like to support my race, please consider a donation to my favorite charity for homeless humans, Back on my Feet, or donate to your local no-kill animal shelter.

Completing It’s A Wonderful Run is a huge accomplishment for me. As I look to retire from competitive racing, I am so glad I was able to meet my goal in finishing this race.

For 2023, I only have one more medal to earn to achieve my life goal of 26 medals. I want to be able to retire from competitive running on my own terms before distance running is taken from me either from Covid or some other unfortunate health means. 

I am feeling pressure in choosing a race for medal 26. I feel like it has to be something meaningful. I am reviewing my running bucket list to see what is feasible for 2023. In the meantime, I am so happy that It’s A Wonderful Run was medal 25.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me on my running journey thus far all these years. As the movie says, “no man is a failure who has friends.”