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Yellow House in the North Country: Heat

/ rachelgoes262 / 2 Comments

It’s the middle of July. We are currently in a heat dome and are drenched in wildfire smoke from Canada. Naturally, you would think this post would be about summer heat. It’s not. 

This post is about winter heat.

Before the furniture even moved into the new house back in September, I had someone out to service the furnace for winter. It was already getting down to freezing at night, and I turned the heat on low so that the pipes would not freeze. Our previous house had natural gas. The new house has oil.

To my surprise, the annual maintenance for an oil furnace not only took much longer than the annual maintenance for my natural gas furnace, but it was also a lot more expensive. I chalked it all up to a learning experience. When I purchased this house, I was told that the furnace was new within the past 5 years.

When touring the house, the furnace looked older than 5 years to me. However, I am unfamiliar with oil heat. From what I heard, oil runs “dirty.” I attributed the fact that the furnace looked older than 5 years to be due to the fact that it was an oil furnace running dirty that had not been serviced in a while.

 The furnace has issues. After that initial service call for annual maintenance in September, I then had a total of three emergency calls this winter for various issues. By chance, one of the techs who came out for pne of the emergency calls told me he had worked on this furnace for years. “Years?” I asked. “They told me this furnace was new within 5 years. The tech laughed. “It’s at least 25 years old.” He said.

Given that the furnace was having so many issues this past winter, I was thinking I need a new one. The last thing I needed was for that furnace to quit when we were buried under 6 feet of snow. No one would be able to get to it to take it out and replace it. Not to mention, we would be without heat.

If I was going to put in a new furnace, I decided I needed to convert from oil to propane. It is very, very hard to get house insurance with oil heat. It’s easier to get house insurance with propane heat. Natural gas is not available in the Adirondacks. We are “off grid.” 

I got an estimate for the conversion. I decided to move ahead with it. The HVAC company doing the conversion told me to run my oil tank out of oil prior to the conversion to make the oil tank easier to remove. It made sense to me. 

The oil furnace was really struggling even more so starting in March. Every day I wondered if it was going to die. It persisted.

Sometime in May, the furnace stopped working. Either I ran the tank out of oil, or the furnace died. I scheduled my conversion for July. The float on the oik tank said I still have ¼ tank of oil left. I’m pretty sure that float is not accurate. It had been on ¼ of a tank for several weeks. 

Once the furnace stopped, we did have some chilly nights. It was still getting down in the 40s at night. There was nothing that could be done. We just piled on extra blankets and waited for summer to come. 

The handyman who helps me said that he thought I should wait until the oil furnace “shit the bed” to convert to get as much use out of it as possible. While it made sense to me, I also did not want to be stuck without heat in winter when no one can get to it to repair or replace. 

I found out from the neighbor next door that the people who sold the house KNEW the furnace had issues. They had rigged a lamp to it. When the furnace quit, the lamp would glow red and the neighbor knew to call the kids for repair. The woman who owned this house died and her kids inherited it, so it sat empty for a year. They had it priced way too high. 

When they sold this house, they said that furnace was 5 years old. It was 25 years old and had issues. They knew it had issues because they had that lamp rigged to it so that the neighbor could call for service when it quit.

The conversion from oil to propane is currently on day two of a three-day process.

They took my oil furnace out on day one. I did not, in fact, run the oil tank out of oil. The oil furnace died. It legitimately “Shit the bed,” as the handyman suggested I wait for. Thankfully, it shit the bed in May instead of in January when we got 6 feet of snow over 5 days. 

What was wrong with the furnace? Well, it had a cracked converter. If you know anything about furnaces, you know that a cracked converter is a HUGE issue. First, a cracked converter is not something that can be fixed. It is the death punch to a furnace. Second, a cracked converter is not only a huge fire exposure but also a huge carbon monoxide hazard. We are SO, SO lucky we did not have either the smoke alarms, the carbon monoxide alarms, or both going off at any point this winter up until that thing died.

I truly think Angel Jude has been watching over us. The neighbors at the old house attempted to burn down our house in July 2025 and then pounded on the door every single night screaming “Fire!” I have major PTSD over anything fire related. If either the smoke alarms or the carbon monoxide alarms go off in this new house, I would have major meltdown. First, I would need to get all the cats out of the house. But I would have major meltdown.

I would not feel safe in our new house if one of those alarms had gone off because the furnace was dying. I am still trying to overcome the trauma of attempted arson from our old house last year. 

I am really glad I decided to move forward and schedule the conversion when I did.

The conversion Is challenging due to the layout of the house. The technicians are excellent. 

As I said, we are on day two of conversion right now. They are currently working.

On day three of conversion, our propane tanks will be delivered. The gas company will hook everything up, check all the lines for leaks, fire up the new furnace, and be sure we have heat. They will do al their safety inspections. Then the HVAC company will come back and do all their safety inspections once it has the propane to run. 

I have all brand-new carbon monoxide and smoke alarms installed in this new house too. 

Say a little prayer that all goes well. This is the largest home project I have ever done.

When we were in the old house, I had plans to do upgrades and projects there too. I did do some of the upgrades. I upgraded all the plumbing in that house. It had galvanized steel piping that was over 100 years old that I replaced. Other than that, I ended up spending almost $17,000 to repair intentional damage that the neighbors caused to that house. 

I didn’t get to do any more upgrades to the house I sold because I was constantly repairing damage that they had caused. No, I did not put in claims on my home insurance. I know better. If I had, I never would have been able to sell that house because there would have been an open lawsuit for intentional damage. Not to mention, anytime I made a report, their behavior escalated. If I had put claims on my house insurance for the damage they caused, we would not have been able to sell. We would not have been able to leave.

Paying $17,000 to repair the intentional damages they caused is part of the reason why I was only able to break even on that house. 

In our new home here in the North County, we are safe. No one is causing intentional damage to this house. That means that when I fix something, I am either taking care of maintenance or doing an upgrade. I can actually plan and dream in this house.

One thing I wanted to do in the old house and never got to do was to paint rooms. I have never painted a room in my life. I never got the chance in that house. I was constantly scrambling with harassment, damages, and injuries inflicted upon me by those neighbors.

In this new house, I want to paint a room. I have never done it before. 

The first room I paint will be one of the upstairs rooms. I don’t go upstairs much. That way if I don’t do a good job of it, I won’t have to see it every day. I want to have the experience of being able to do some things myself without having to try to hire and pay people.

If painting an upstairs room goes well, then I really want to paint one wall (an “accent” wall) in my bathroom. I am thinking either mint green or sage green.

Both rooms upstairs are dark colors. One is a dark brown! I want to paint it something light and brighten it up. That way it looks bigger too. 

I won’t do any painting projects until next year. I already have my hands full this year with the oil to propane conversion and plumbing and electric work I had to have done when we first moved in. 

Once our new furnace is up and going, I am done with house projects for 2026. I need to rest and save money. I will save the painting for 2027. 

That’s not entirely true. I think I may need to try to stain my deck this fall. We will see. 

For now, we are on day two of three for our oil to propane conversion. Please hold us in your thoughts that it all goes well and that we have heat with no problems this winter. 

I will say that this house is the warmest house I have ever lived in during the winter. I’m hoping we have good luck when we are on propane this year instead of on oil. I don’t want to have any service calls. I definitely don’t want any alarms going off. 

In the middle of a heat dome, we are making sure we will have heat for our second Noth Country winter. 

Furniture and Settling

/ rachelgoes262 / Leave a comment

Everyone rearranges their home differently. Furniture placement often depends on how the room is laid out. The placement of windows, doors and electrical outlets can dictate how you set up a room. For me specifically, I set mine up in a way that maximizes cat comfort. That means access to all windows and plenty of play space.

When we were in the apartment and later in the old house, I have always had my window AC unit in my bedroom. I need it to be able to sleep at night in the summer. The bedroom is also typically a smaller room that is easier to cool than the living room or other large rooms in the house. 

In the new house, room layout has made it so that my window AC unit cannot be in the bedroom (for multiple reasons). It must be in some other room. I narrowed down the options to one of two windows. One window in the sunroom and one window in the living room. The AC unit is in the living room.

A few weeks ago, when we were under the first heat dome of the summer, I was struggling to sleep because the AC unit is not in the bedroom. I have a fan in the bedroom, but it is not enough. I decided that I wanted to pull the bed out of the couch and sleep in the living room near the AC unit for a few nights.

The way my living room is currently set up for everyday use does not leave enough space to pull the bed out of the couch. I had to rearrange the furniture to be able to do that.

It sounds simple enough. Somehow, when I went to do it, rearranging furniture was not simple. It was simple to physically do, but not emotionally. 

You see, in the old house. My furniture placement was dictated by the neighbors. Yes, I know. It sounds crazy. But when the people across the street drive their truck into the front of your house, you seriously reconsider furniture placement.

When they drove the truck into the front of the old house, they drove up over the curb, over the sidewalk, into the bushes in front of the house, and into the front porch before stopping. I was woken up in the night by the crash. Luckily, I was sleeping in my bed in my bedroom. It was not a night when I had fallen asleep on the couch watching a movie. If that truck had come into the house any farther, it would have been in my living room. 

The sheriff officer who responded even mentioned that I might want to be careful using my living room because it would probably happen again. I emptied the entire living room. I rearranged all the furniture in my house in way that if they drove into the house again and came in further, we would be safe. I started actively discouraging the cats from being in that room. 

Anyone who came into my house thought the furniture was set up weird. That’s because the neighbors drove into the front of my house. The Sheriff told me to expect it to happen again. 

There was half a house I could not use at the old house due to neighbor issues. It wasn’t safe. In addition to the vehicles driving into the house, there was the gunfire and the deliberate aiming of fireworks at the house that all happened on the side of the house facing those bad neighbors. 

When I went back to the old house at the end of August 2025 with the moving truck to take everything out before the sale, the one neighbor across the street threatened the two men I had hired to load the truck for me. It was a nerve-wracking move. It was so nerve wracking that I completely forgot all the items in the garage and one item in the basement that I had wanted to take with me. Things were left behind (like all my snow shovels).

I was fortunate in that kind people helped with our Amazon wish list once we were in the new house and replaced some of the items that got left behind like the snow shovels. I did not intend to leave items behind. It’s just that we were trying to get everything out of that house as fast as possible before that neighbor escalated and there was gunfire or police involvement (not that they would have responded).

The men who loaded the truck held their ground with the threatening neighbor. They made sure I left first and they followed me. They did tell me after that they were close to calling the troopers due to his behavior but wanted to just get the truck loaded and out of there as quickly as possible.

In the new house, it has been hard to overcome that programming from the old house that I have to keep everything as contained as possible and cannot spread out in my own house for safety reasons. 

When I rearranged the furniture so I could pull the bed out of the couch, that was hard emotionally. In fact, I only slept on the couch one night. I did not sleep well. I was scared. I know we are safe here and that no one here will drive into the front of the house, but I was still scared.

The other challenge in all this is that I have not really used the garage or the basement in the new house due to the experience we had with moving. 

I do have some items in the garage. Part of the issue with the garage is that when I bought this house, there was a lot of stuff left in it from the previous owner. I have all that stuff piled in the garage. I am working with someone (a “junk” truck) to come and take all that stuff from the prior owner out of my garage. So, I do have things, like the lawnmower and the roof rake, that I want to put in the garage and are currently in my sunroom due to the fact there is no room in the garage to put them. 

Once all the stuff from the prior owner is gone, I have things I want to put in the garage. I will put them there.

The basement is a harder location for me to handle. So many times, when the neighbors at the old house were being abusive, the basement is where we had to hide. It was the safest place from the booming and from the bullets. 

Now that we are safe in the new house, I don’t want to go to the basement. I go down every morning to check the live mouse traps and that is it. 

Right before the heat dome started this summer, I did put a few things in the basement that needed to be kept cooler. I put the WD-40 and a few other items down there. So, I am finally using the basement in this house. There is one tote bin of items in the basement.

Obviously, it’s going to take time to settle into this house. I have a lot of traumas with the daily neighbor harassment, boom cars, and attempted arson that we lived through. We are grateful to finally live someplace safe where we are not being harassed daily. I can finally sleep through the night without someone pounding on my door at all hours of the night. 

Rearranging furniture is an issue I need to work though. I can arrange my furniture in any way I want. We can safely use this entire house. We no longer must live in fear of people driving their truck into the front of the house or of fireworks being deliberately shot at the house from directly in front of it. 

We are so grateful to now live in a house we can safely use. I just need to get used to the idea that I am safe to sleep in my living room if I want. 

One Bear

/ rachelgoes262 / 1 Comment

When the neighbors at the old house started with their daily harassment and attacks that resulted in physical injuries to myself and the cats, I was scared. As we all know, the police did nothing. Everything was my fault because I “don’t know how to take a joke.”

Due to my fear, I sought solace in false security. I felt trapped. I was not safe in my own home. Often, I could not even leave my home because I was physically prevented from leaving by the neighbors. 

The false security I found was in stuffies. Specifically, squishmallows. To be honest, I am not quite sure how many squishmallows I had. I did get rid of a bunch as part of downsizing for the move. 

For the Ride to Freedom when we left the old house for temporary safe housing, I took one squishmallow with me for comfort. It was one of only two sentimental items I took on that initial trip that was not an essential item. 

The squishmallow I chose to take to the temporary safe housing was my pineapple. When I first bought that house in the Village of Evil, I had decorated the house with a pineapple theme because pineapples have the meaning of welcome. When I moved to the Village of Evil, I was an active participant in the community. I started the book club at the library. I had submitted a business plan to start a small business on Main St. Of course, that all stopped when the neighbor harassment started.  

Now that we are very safe in our new home, I see that I moved a total of 5 squishmallows with me. This house is very small. It is half the size of our old house. There is not any room for clutter. Five stuffed animals for one person is ridiculous. I am only counting stuffed animals solely for me. I am not counting the little lamb chops that the cats have and like to snuggle with. I’m not counting the beanie babies the girls have (they each have one) or the giant stuffed mouse that Jolene takes all over the house. 

As much as I like the squishmallows, I decided they need to leave. They are clutter I don’t need in a small house. They have bad memories attached to them. I was using them for false security when I was terrified in my own house because the neighbors at the old house threatened my life and attempted to burn the house down. 

I will be donating all five squishmallows I have in this house. May they bring some child joy and happy memories. They served their purpose. That pineapple was a comfort when we were in temporary safe housing. It was something that helped life feel normal in the chaos. 

Now that we are living in a very safe place, I don’t need false security. We have real security and it is priceless. 

However, I did decide that I want a comfort item. I thought about keeping just one of the squishmallows and getting rid of the other four so that would reduce the clutter and the bad memories. However, I realized that whichever one I kept would still have those memories and that I wanted something new. I wanted a teddy bear. 

I was just going to try to find a teddy bear for $5 or $10 at the store. However, many teddy bears today either have ribbons or bows or wear clothes. I am very particular about teddy bears. I like them to be naked. That is probably why I was so drawn to squishmallows. They are soft stuffies who do not have bows or clothes attached to them. 

Somehow, on the internet, I happened to see a Bartholomew bear and started doing some research on it. They are very popular. They are naked. They are soft. 

I hesitated for a long time due to the expense. Those bears are very expensive. But the more I looked … it is very hard to find a naked teddy bear that was soft. People on the internet rave about the Bartholomew bears. They have some sort of following. 

So I decided to spring for the medium size bear. 

I do not like the name Bartholomew, maybe because of the association with Bart Simpson. I don’t know. I just don’t like the name. 

My bear’s name is Mabel.

Here are my thoughts on this one bear that now graces my life as my sole stuffie for a comfort item.

First, it took forever to arrive. I thought it would take 3-5 days like most things I ordered. No. It took almost 3 weeks to get here. Honestly, by the time it arrived, I felt like I was over it. I wasn’t excited any more. I’m like, oh, the bear is here. 

Upon opening the package, I see the damn thing came from London. No wonder it took so long to get here! It came from another country! I thought when I was on the web site, it said USA. I had no idea. I guess I need to be more careful when I am shopping online. Luckily, this item is a legitimate purchase from a reputable company. 

Second, when I opened the package, the bear was much smaller than I thought it would be for the price. I guess I didn’t understand the measurements and the sizing very well. I purchased medium size because it seemed affordable for what they were selling. 

Now that Mabel has been here a few days, I can tell you I am delighted with my bear. My thoughts were unfounded. Yes, the bear is smaller than I expected, but it is the perfect size for my needs. In fact, I am impressed with its size. It meets my needs and is small enough that it would be very easy to pack in a backpack if I decided to take it someplace with me. This bear is much easier to transport than moving with 5 squishmallows that took up a large trash bag. 

When I slept with Mabel, I found she is the perfect size to cuddle. She is not too small. She is very soft. I am also impressed that when I hug the bear, her arm drapes over mine like she is hugging me back. She stays put in bed with me. She is not big and rolly like a squishmallow that would either roll out of bed or not leave enough room for the cats.  She does not take up a lot of space like a squishmallow. Last night I had all 3 cats and the bear in bed with me, and everyone was comfortable. 

I am very pleased with the choice to have Mabel the Bear as my one comfort item moving forward. If I do travel in the future, she will be much easier to take with me than a squishmallow. 

In the new house, we have real security. We are safe here. It is a relief. I am so happy. The cats are happy. But occasionally, you want a comfort item. Whether it’s’ bad news or a bad day, sometimes you just want something soft. Yes, I have the cats. But they are all living beings with minds of their own. Sometimes they don’t want to cuddle when I want to cuddle. 

I am very happy with Mabel as my one bear, sole stuffie and comfort item. 

Do you have a comfort item? How many comfort items? Any other Bartholomew Bear fans out there want to share their thoughts on the medium bear? 

Yellow House in the North Country: Thanksgiving

/ rachelgoes262 / Leave a comment

My time off from work has all been used due to the neighbor abuse we experienced at the old house plus the move to escape that dangerous situation. There were many days that the neighbors prevented me from working. Not only did I have to use all my vacation time, but I had to take unpaid time off from work too. The harassment at work from the bad neighbors at the old house was so severe, it put my job in jeopardy. 

Thankfully, that is behind us now. We were able to leave the house where we were harassed daily and the neighbor’s attempted arson. However, there is still fallout from those events. Part of that fallout is that I had to work Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and the Saturday after Thanksgiving trying to make up time. 

Surprisingly, I did have a few invitations to Thanksgiving in our new location. I had to turn them down due to working and due to covid. N95 respirators only work to prevent covid if they are worn on your face properly. 

The neighbor right next to me – the first one to come over and introduce herself when we moved in – brought me a plate of food. I was so grateful that she was kind enough to think of me.

To be honest, I was feeling a little down about Thanksgiving. Even though we are safe in a new home, it just doesn’t feel like the holidays this year. It’s hard learning a new area after being forced out of an area I lived in and knew for 25 years. That is the reality of what happened – we were bullied and harassed out of an area we knew. Our lives were threatened. We are starting over somewhere new.

My favorite Thanksgiving movie is Pieces of April with Katie Holmes. There is a scene in the movie where she explains the meaning of Thanksgiving to her neighbors who do not speak English. To paraphrase, she explained that there was this one time when people just realized that they needed each other, and they came together due to that need. 

It was the plate of food that neighbor brought me and the kindness of another neighbor in the days after Thanksgiving that finally helped me to feel the true meaning of the holiday this year. 

When we lived 3 hours south in the old house, I used to say we would get nickel and dimed with snow – half an inch here, half an inch there. It was just enough snow to be annoying, but not enough to really plow or shovel or cause problems.

Here in the North Country, you get your money’s worth of snow and then some. To be honest, I am having culture shock with the snow up here and it is only December. I wonder if I am hardy enough to live in the North Country with the winters here. 

Yes, I’ve always said I wanted to live up here when I retired. Honestly, I had a very romanticized idea of what that would look like. I did not factor in the reality of three senior cats and being completely alone because we fled an abuse situation. 

We have been getting about 7-8 inches of snow every other day since Thanksgiving. There are constant winter weather warnings and travel advisories. The roads have been closed once already. It’s snowing right now, and when I went out to shovel, there is at least 3 feet of snow out front. I’m not exaggerating.

My weight is still low due to health issues I have been having the past year due to the neighbor abuse at the old house. I’m under 90 pounds, unintentionally. There is no way I can handle a snowblower.

For weeks, I have been calling every single ad I see for snowplowing. I have asked all the neighbors and everyone I see, from the librarian to the postmaster, for recommendations for snowplowing.

I call and leave messages. I name drop, saying “this person told me to call you.” No one calls me back. 

The Tuesday before Thanksgiving, someone answered their phone. I told them I saw their ad in our local flier for snowplowing and would like an estimate. He told me, “I don’t go to that town.” You have an ad in our local flier advertising snowplowing for this town, and you don’t come here? Well, thank you for answering the phone at least. I have left dozens of messages, and no one calls me back.

Knowing I cannot handle a snowblower, I did get an electric shovel. It weighs 20 pounds. I know I can handle it. My thought was that it is like a mini show blower. If I keep up on the snow it will be fine.

How very wrong I was.

That first big snowfall on Thanksgiving, I went outside after work. I can only shovel twice a day – before work and after work. By the time I got outside after work, there was already way too much snow for the electric shovel to handle. 

The neighbor across the street saw me struggling with the electric snow shovel. He came over and used his snowblower and cleared my driveway for me. He explained that he is retired, but his wife still works, so he keeps their drive clean. He used to help the woman who lived in this house before me (she passed away). 

Now he is helping me too.

I offered to pay him. He refused. At least let me give you gas money, that machine costs money in gas. He refused. 

His kindness has helped me feel Thanksgiving in a way I haven’t felt in a very long time. As it was said in Pieces of April, there was a time when people needed each other. 

I still need to figure out something kind to do for him for helping me. Even though he is helping me with the snowblower, I am still going out twice a day to shovel (unless he beats me to it with the snowblower.)

Having his help with the snow in the driveway and front has freed me up to be sure that my back deck is shoveled. I know to keep the snow off that due to the weight of snow. So I am shoveling the back deck when the neighbor helps me with the driveway.

Words cannot express how grateful I am for the help.

Even though I had to work on the actual holiday, our first Thanksgiving in the North Country is one for the records books. I am so thankful for kind neighbors. Even if they did not help me with snow and remember me on the holiday, just the fact that we are safe here and our lives are not in danger is the greatest gift. 

We are getting more snow now. It’s only December. We have 3 feet of snow. I’m sick of it. It’s going to be a long winter. I’m struggling to get the car out. I’m struggling to get my mail. I’m struggling to get to the grocery store, the vet office, and anywhere else we need. 

Even though I am struggling with winter, I am grateful that we are safe. We are together. We have neighbors who are not actively trying to murder us (truly, that is what the old neighbors did – they tried to murder us with the arson and other physical injuries they caused). 

We are forced to learn a brand-new area because we had to escape an abuse situation. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Yet I’m grateful we are together and safe. 

Last year I had to deal with the 20-year-old child across the street having some sort of drug induced psychosis and driving his truck into the bushes and front porch of my house. 

This year, we are in a place where neighbors bring me a plate of food and help me with snow. 

Happy Thanksgiving from the Yellow House in the North Country. 

We are hoping the Yellow House in the North Country will be a new series on the blog.

Smaller Space

/ rachelgoes262 / 4 Comments

Back in August, I had started a blog post about the forced exodus from our old house due to abusive neighbors. I wrote about the attempted arson and daily harassment we experienced that necessitated that we leave under extreme duress for temporary safe housing that I only disclosed to very few people. It made sense to write about it at the time I was living it, especially when everyone in that area (except the attorney) was normalizing the abuse we experienced. 

Reading that now, I relived what we lived through this summer. It was very traumatizing. I am not ready to talk about or post about the attempt on our lives that occurred this summer and the subsequent daily harassment we experienced by the neighbors. 

Suffice it to say, we are now in permanent housing several hours away from those horrible people. We are safe. We no longer experience daily harassment, abuse or threats. We can sleep through the night without being deliberately woken up. I can walk outside safely without being physically attacked. 

It was very hard to leave an area and a community I was part of for over 20 years. We were literally bullied out of our home we had known for decades due to two families who were engaging in various criminal activities.

Now that we are in a safe place, I am learning a completely new location This is the hardest move I have made since the 90s. 

When we initially left, I could only take the cats in the car and whatever I could fit in the trunk. We had to arrange the leaving at a safe time when I would not be physically attacked or otherwise physically prevented from leaving. A few weeks later, when I went back with a moving truck to move all my belongings out of the old house, the moving men were threatened with assault by the neighbors. It was a rough situation.

I had spent all summer downsizing and minimizing the house. I knew we would be moving to a smaller space, even though I did not know where we were going. 

When they say, you and your belongings grow and increase to match the size of the space in which you live, that saying is true. 

While I got rid of over three truckloads of stuff before the move, it was eye opening to see how much I really have now that we are living someplace that is literally half the size of the house we fled. 

At first, it was encouraging to find that all my belongings fit into a 16-foot moving truck with room to spare. I had friends who kept saying I had way too much stuff and there was no way everything would fit into a 16-foot moving truck. To my surprise and delight, they were wrong! 

All my belongings were stored in the moving truck for about 8 days before we could get into permanent housing. To be honest, I mostly forgot about what was in there. 

The cats and I were in temporary safe housing with only what had fit into the trunk of my car. It was very freeing as well as eye opening to see how little we needed on a day-to-day basis. What was most important was that the cats and I were together through the entire ordeal and that we were all safe. 

While I was elated that all my belongings fit into a 16-foot moving truck with room to spare, moving into our new home was a bit of a comedown. With half the living space, it now feels like I have way too much stuff. 

We have only been in our new home for a month. In addition to unpacking and getting settled in our new home, I am learning a new area, working full-time, attending to all our medical needs, and had to deal with the fact that Sophie was totaled in this transition. 

It’s been a lot of change and a lot of trauma.

When it snows this winter and things slow down, minimizing will be back on my radar again in full force. This house feels cluttered with all our stuff in it. It is overwhelming. Therefore, things need to be removed.

I’ve seen how little we needed when we were living the emergency those few weeks in temporary safe housing. We do not need all the stuff in the new house with us now. 

The biggest difference between the temporary safe house and our permanent home is that when we were in temporary housing, we were in an urban area. It was easy to get things there and access resources such as groceries and laundry. In our new permanent home, on-site laundry is a necessity. Other necessities we need in our permanent home that were not relevant in temporary housing include emergency supplies for winter, as we are not in an urban area close to amenities. 

If people get more things to fill a larger space, then we must conversely get rid of things to fit a smaller space. 

Our weeks in temporary housing showed me how little we need. The challenge will be curating the items in our permanent home down to what will fit here without being cluttered. 

On top of everything I am doing trying to get settled in a new area, I am also trying to take time for me. The cats and I need to heal from all the abuse we suffered at the hands of the neighbors. Jolene especially has been traumatized. She had always been a friendly, outgoing cat until the summer when the neighbors escalated. Now she is timid and fearful. We are all still mourning Jude. I feel so guilty I could not get him out of that house before he passed. We all have a lot of trauma to process as the result of the daily harassment we experienced and attempt on our lives. 

This winter expect to see a return to minimalism as we acclimate to a smaller space. I’m now looking at it with fresh eyes after our experience being in temporary housing for so long and having to flee our prior house under extreme threat and duress. I have a lot of “comfort items” that were not comforting and not needed when we were living the emergency. You don’t realize how little you need until you can only leave with a very small, space restricted amount of stuff. 

The good news is, that chapter of our life of horror is behind us. We have a new chapter ahead. While it has it’s challenges, we are all safe and no longer in physical danger. We can finally get back to our roots at Rewind Live Slow. 

Tales from my Surfboard Part 3: The Drive-In

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It was one of those rare visits when we actually had the entire day to spend together. My visits were short due to my work schedule. I typically only had off from work from the time I got off Friday night until I went in for my next overnight shift Sunday night. 

Since Lily worked second shift, if I drove to the Cape Friday night, we would have Saturday morning together before she went to work. If I waited until Saturday morning to make the drive, we were like two ships passing in the night. Hello / goodbye / don’t forget the Red Sox are playing tonight.

On this particular visit, I made the drive Friday night and Lily had all day Saturday off. We did not have any set plan for the day other than traveling down Cape. We planned to drive the Old King’s Highway towards Provincetown. We did not actually expect to go to P-town on this visit. We were just going to load the surfboard on top of the Prius, throw the beach bags in the trunk and set out for the scenic drive to see where we ended up. 

That’s what we did.

Windows down, car CD player blaring, we enjoyed the lazy scenic drive. Traffic was light on 6A. We were not headed towards any tourist destinations. 

It was about mid-morning when we realized that in our excitement, we had headed out without breakfast. We had just wanted to get on the road to beat the heat of the day.

It was convenient then, when we saw a little sandwich board on the side of the road that had “Coffee Ahead!” written on it in chalk. The sun was shining, and there was a gentle breeze as we were close to the ocean. There were 3 signs for coffee ahead in total.

There was just a dirt parking lot near a small structure that looked a bit like a lemonade stand. It appeared to be staffed by a bunch of college kids on their summer break. This was their summer job in exchange for time on the Cape, we supposed. We both ordered delicious coffee and had muffins that were bigger than any muffin I’ve ever had. The muffins were so big, they could have been waffles in another life.

We enjoyed our stop in this little garden type area and carried on. Fortified with coffee and muffins, we decided to head to Truro and have a glass of wine before the weekend got busy with tasting.

The winery had just opened when we arrived. We had fun looking around the gift shop. We headed outside to the back veranda. There was a nice stone area with a beautiful garden and tables dotted about. We decided to forego tasting and just asked for one glass – a rose for Lily and the driest white on offer for me. We sat peacefully listening to music. There was a quartet of musicians in the garden playing music that made it feel like we were relaxing in a fairy place.

We stayed relaxing until just after lunch when it started to get busy with tasters coming in for the day. We had lunch at our little garden hideaway table. I remember it as one of the most delicious grilled sandwiches I had ever had. The sandwiches were grilled outside in the garden with us too. 

We purchased a case of wine, a few glasses and momentos, and loaded those in the trunk with our beach bags. I remember picking out some of the signature wines that were in glass bottles made like lighthouses. 

Lunch out of the way, we still had no agenda. Lily and I once again cruised down old 6A just to see what we could find. 

We found a little secluded beach just outside of Truro and set up a cozy little beach camp for a few hours. It was one of those perfect days. I remember it being a day full of sunshine, water, sand, and laughter. 

We just played on the beach until well into the evening when we were hungry again. That beach was almost like our own private oasis. Only a few other beachgoers were there that day. 

After a day in the sun, we headed down the Cape a little more looking for food again.

We did not have far to travel when we came across a little ice cream stand that also had food items – hot dogs and fries, things like that. We decided that worked and enjoyed our dinner surrounded by families with small children and groups of teens out for some summer fun. 

There was a bulletin board at the ice cream shop /hot dog stand where we happened to see the listing for the drive-in in Wellfleet. There wasn’t anything I really wanted to see, but one flick that Lily did. The drive-in offered two shows. The first show was some Godzilla-like thing followed by the picture that Lily wanted to see.

Of course, we headed to Wellfleet to the drive-in.

We tuned the radio to the station required to be able to hear the movie sound. I remember getting our beach blankets out of the trunk. We cuddled together in the backseat to watch the movies with our legs up on the headrests. It was cramped in the backseat of a Prius, but that was also what made it nice.

I don’t remember the movies much, although I do remember the movie that she had wanted to see. I made sure to buy the DVD of it and have seen it many times since. It was actually a book that had been made into a movie. I remember our only argument over seeing that particular movie was that I had said “but I haven’t read the book first.” Lily laughed and said it didn’t matter. We would watch it anyway and could read the book later. 

To this day, I think it’s the only time I’ve seen a movie before reading the book of something.

I remember how much fun we had at the drive-in that night. It was the most magical time.

I don’t even remember the drive home after. I remember we had the most perfect day. 

Of course, Sunday morning I had to leave for home so that I could go to work that day. 

The drive-in we went to is closed now. I will always remember that day as special.

To be continued with another Tale from My Surfboard.  

 

Dare To Dream

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Last fall, as COVID number spiraled out of control, I realized that the pandemic is here to stay. Schools have been open for in-person instruction here since September 2020 with no mask requirements. The COVID positivity rate in my area right now is 19% and no one cares.

I do not have a death wish. I care.

Despite all the people claiming the pandemic is “over” as the death rate continues to climb, we are actually in this for the long haul. 

I started to evaluate my life with the pandemic in mind. This is no temporary thing. Masks, social distancing, and death will be with us for quite awhile. It is getting even worse now as everyone throws caution to the wind with the vaccines.

Given the deadly normal, I decided that working from home needs to stay. 

I am able to safely obtain groceries either by delivery or contact-free pickup. The only other reasons I have to put myself at risk of death are for medical purposes and for work. 

No job is worth your life. <tweet that>

There is this absolutely disgusting and cruel LIE going around that people do not want to work because they are making more money on unemployment. That is untrue. Many people are unemployed and not receiving any income because they cannot get through to unemployment to file a claim. 

The real reason – in fact, the ONLY reason – why employers cannot find people to work is because no job is worth your life. My life is worth more than $15, thank you very much. 

Unfortunately, in America, the economy is worth more than human life. The USA has to be first in everything, so they are doing the best they can to reach a million COVID deaths by opening everything up and telling people to stop wearing a mask.

I digress. However, this is the reality in which we live.

Last fall I decided I wanted to find a part-time work from home sidegig for extra income. Prices on everything have increased substantially, yet my income did not. Hey, I just paid $35 for a quart of milk a few weeks ago. That’s a huge increase from $4 for a quart of milk.

So, last fall I began investigating the possibility of making remote work permanent. 

It was a lengthy process of trial and error, learning new technologies and trying to trouble shoot. I figured if I could just find a part-time remote job it would give me extra income. The plan was to ask my full-time employer at the time to make remote work a permanent option. I knew this request would be a long shot. Indeed, I lost that job in April 2021.

With life in a global pandemic that is not getting any better, my dream has been to make remote work permanent. This way the cats and I can be safe. I have to figure out how to live another 15-20 years to be able to take care of them.

Losing my job in April 2021 was the worst thing to ever happen to me. It was my only source of income. It was a direct threat to my very life. If I am forced to go back to an in-person workplace, I will not survive the pandemic. Losing my job threatened my ability to keep the cats and I together and to take care of them. It was a greater threat to my family than when I needed to exit my apartment a few years ago.

Making my dream of permanent remote work a reality now became a need and not a want. It is the only way for me to save my life so I do not die. This is not an exaggeration.

This past month I have been unemployed, I have no income. I have not been able to get through to unemployment to file an initial claim. At this point in time, NYS has no clue I am unemployed. Their website crashes. Their phone system says high call volume and hangs up.

Finding a new job and finding one quickly needs to be done so that the cats and I do not end up separated and homeless. Yet I cannot just do any job. If I don’t want to die, I need to be able to work remotely.

My initial dream last fall was to be able to make remote work permanent so that I could focus on being home with the cats, running, and (someday maybe) travel. Travel will have to wait at least a decade for the pandemic to end.

With remote work, I will be able to be more in control of my life and human interactions. I do not, after all, have a death wish.

In between the over 100 phone calls a day I make to unemployment these past few weeks, I have been job searching for remote work.

Another goal I have is to go back to working 2-3 jobs instead of just one. 

I know, I know. In my bio for this blog, Rewind Live Slow, I state that I stopped working multiple jobs to try to slow down my life. 

The reality is that you should not put all your eggs in one basket. Only working one job and then losing that job means I now have no income. This is the worst situation ever. To prevent this situation from happening in the future, I need to be sure I have multiple income streams. So I need to either work one “main” full-time job and find something part-time to supplement or work multiple part-time jobs. 

I’ve done it before. I spent 20 years working multiple part-time jobs while putting myself through school. 

There is a difference this time.

Those 20 years I spent working multiple jobs putting myself through school, I was working 60-80 hours a week to make ends meet. This was before I started on my minimalist journey. This is when I was going 110% all the time.

This time, I am not going to work 60-80 hours a week. I can’t do it anymore physically. Not to mention, I want time to be with my cats. Life is short and precious. I want time to be with the ones I love.

So my goal is to work multiple jobs, but not to work more than 50 hours a week to make ends meet. By having multiple income streams, I will hopefully not ever be in this situation ever again of not having any income at all. I am making sacrifices in my life to reduce my expenses so that I can get by on less income.

I am proud to announce that it appears I have realized my dream.

I was recently offered and accepted two different part-time jobs that are both remote. With the two jobs together, I should be working about 35-40 hours per week. The income should hopefully be just enough to make ends meet (barely).

I’m realizing my dream.

One part-time job starts now, and the other starts next month. The jobs only pay once a month, so I won’t see any real income until July. That means I am going three months – April, May, June – with no income. It’s hard and it hurts. It would help if I could get unemployment, but they are too busy to answer their phone. I will not give up trying to contact unemployment. When I am finally able to file a claim, they owe me for these three months I am unemployed. 

The good news is that I have a month to get used to the one part-time job before I have to start the other one. The part-time job I am starting right now is only 3-5 hours per week so far, but at least it is something.

My new dream that I am daring to dream is to take control of my life, my interactions and my schedule by working remotely 100% of the time.

I am making that dream a reality.

Dare to dream. I am so blessed. As long as I can keep this house to keep the cats and I together, everything is fine. All I need to do is outlive the cats so I can give them the best life possible. If I can do that, then I will have lived a good life. 

That’s what rewind live slow is all about.

It Takes An (Online) Village

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It’s been three weeks now since I’ve lost my job. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. After working for 28 years, this is the first time I have ever been unemployed. It is a direct threat to my life, health, safety and ability to care for my cats and keep my family together.

I have no income. I have not been able to get through to NYS unemployment to file a claim. Their web site continuously crashes. Their phone has an automated message saying “high call volume” that hangs up on you. I call unemployment over 100 times a day. I put the phone on speaker and keep hitting redial while I try to look for and apply for jobs.

I am not eligible for any pandemic mortgage relief due to my student loans. I am also not eligible for any help from social services because I am a single adult with no human children. I am not eligible for social security or disability because I am not “disabled enough” to qualify for any of those services either. I am one of those people who just fall through the cracks and is 100% screwed in this pandemic. Thousands of people like me have died already, and who knows when I will be next.

Losing my job was the absolute worst thing to ever happen to me in my life. It is very possible that I will lose the house, the cats and I will be separated, and I will die this year. I honestly don’t expect to live to see age 43 if something does not improve soon.

I even reached out to local legislators about being able to reach unemployment to file a claim. There is nothing they can do to help. I am one of the “great unwashed” who is either going homeless or dead in this pandemic. I am just another number. 

This past year, I have lost many of my friends and my family to COVID. I can count on one hand the people I knew before the pandemic who are still alive now. 

This past Tuesday, when I opened my local newspaper, I knew every single person in the obituary section. Every single person. There are some days when the obituaries take up an entire page. It should not be this way when I am in my 40s.

As you all know and I have blogged about many times, I loathe social media, especially Facebook. I canceled my Facebook about 5 years ago now and never looked back. I have no regrets about deleting Facebook.

However, I have been extremely isolated in this pandemic. I have lost so many people. So last fall, I decided to try Twitter as a form of social media. I refuse to use Facebook. 

On Twitter, we have been warmly welcomed into the Pet Twitter family. I see happy photos of dogs, cats, fish, bunnies, chincillas and other pets. There are two people on Twitter who I know in real life.

One of those real life people is my best friend from childhood. When I tweeted that I lost my job, this friend sprang into action and set up a GoFundMe for me.

I have a basic idea of what GoFundMe is. I have donated to them a few times before. Twenty dollars here or there to help people who I knew were in genuine need. I never would have thought of setting one up for myself. That first week after losing my job, I was in shock and was stunned.

My friend was able to use our social networks to fully fund my GoFundMe. The GoFundMe paid my mortgage and utilities for the month of May while I look for jobs and try to unsuccessfully file an initial claim for unemployment.

I was also just contacted by GoFundMe itself. Not only was my campaign for May fully funded, but the GoFundMe organization chose me for a micro-grant from their Basic Necessities Fund. I will be putting that money towards June expenses.

I have been lucky in that I have interviewed for two jobs so far. However, the job market is extremely competitive right now because so many people are out of work and searching for jobs. Even though I have interviewed, the chances of being hired are very slim due to the competition. 

Even if I was hired now, I would not see any income from a new job until probably July. In the meantime, I have heard that it can take 4-6 months to actually get through to unemployment to file an initial claim. It can then take another few months after that before you actually receive any money. A lot of people have ended up homeless because they have gone 4-6 months with no income before they are able to file an unemployment claim. 

I hope I am not one of them.

I am very grateful to the online community and to everyone who contributed to my GoFundMe to pay my mortgage and utilities for the month of May. As much as I truly appreciate the help, this is not sustainable. I cannot have a GoFundMe pay all of my bills for the 6 months it takes to get through to unemployment to file an initial claim. 

I really need to find a job and I know that. I update people everyday about how many jobs I have applied for and how many times I have tried to reach unemployment. I am averaging 10-20 job applications a week and over 600 phone calls a week to unemployment.

Anyone who says that people are sitting at home on unemployment and don’t want to work should be shot. I’m not joking. First, many people are not receiving unemployment because we can’t get through to them to file. Second, no job is worth your life. I can tell you right now, after losing now over TEN people to COVID this past year, I am not going to take a job that puts me at risk of COVID. 

My cats are the only family I have left. I am the only family they have. Without me, they will be homeless and separated. I have to keep this house to keep us together. I have to be able to outlive them to take care of them.

Someone suggested I sell the house. Well, then I would be homeless. Rent here is over $400 a month more than my mortgage. That is if I rent a small room in a house with 8 or 9 other people. Plus, no rentals here take pets. I cannot be separated from the cats. 

I cannot buy another house. First, I am unemployed. With no income, I cannot afford the one I have. Second, I will never get approved for another mortgage in my life. I can’t even refinance the one I have to get a lower interest rate. I almost did not get my mortgage due to my student loans. It took a Regional Manager to approve my mortgage and they only did so because I was in a student loan forgiveness program. Now that I am no longer working for a non-profit, I am no longer in the student loan forgiveness program. 

If I lose this house, the cats will be separated and have to live somewhere else. I will die.

That is how dire our situation. I am not exaggerating.

Even though I reach out to unemployment over 100 times a day (167 phone calls on Thursday alone), I am not hopeful I will get through. I honestly do not think I will see any money at all from unemployment. I think I have a better chance of getting a job first. Honestly, I think I have a better chance of getting COVID and dying than I do getting any help from unemployment.

It has taken an online village to get me through the month of May.

As I said, asking people to help me each month is not sustainable and I know that. It is only a matter of time how long we can hold out until we end up homeless and dead.

I am really hoping to find a job soon. Even if I find one this month, I won’t see any real income (a full month’s income) until July.

To the online village that has been helping me, I cannot thank you enough for all you have done. I hope I have been able to express how truly dire our situation is right now. Thank you for giving us another month together alive. I’m not sure how long we will be able to hang on or what will happen.

I am grateful for every single day I get with the cats. They are all I have and I am all that they have.

Thank you to our online village for giving us this time together. 

Hopefully things come together soon. 

Maybe NYS unemployment should hire me to answer their phone. I definitely do not have the expertise to fix their website. 

My Quarantine Life: Week 59

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It has now been over one year that I have been in quarantine. I had one in person doctor appointment where they took blood work. All of my other doctor appointments have been virtual, by their choosing.

I am still alive and well. The cats and I are together. The cats are what matter most. I am the only human they have. I need to be able to outlive them so that I can take care of them and keep them all together. They are all so bonded to each other.

The worst possible thing happened this month. I lost my job.

I have been working for 28 years. This is the first time I have ever lost my job and been unemployed. I have been at an employer that closed and we were all given notice of the imepnding closing. However, in that situation, I was lucky enough to be able to find new employment before the official closing date of the business.

Losing my job is the greatest threat to my health, safety, and ability to care for my cats that I have ever faced.

I try every single day to get through to unemployment to no avail. I hear that it can take months before you see any payment from them. In the meantime, I have no income.

I desperately need to find a new job. At the same time, no job is worth risking your life.

Being in quarantine for the pandemic this past year really makes you evaluate your life. Especially since I have lost seven friends and family members to COVID, it makes you think about what you are doing in life and if you are truly happy. 

To that end, I have had the thought that I want to work remotely for the next 15 years. My doctors have all said that this past year of working remotely has been excellent for my disability. I am currently at my highest level of functioning that has not been seen for five or six years. It is all because I am working remotely. I am so highly functioning that I am not disabled enough to receive any type of disability payments or financial assistance. I am fully able to work.

I want to work. I am now being forced to find a way to make my dream of working 100% remote for the next 15 years come true.

The biggest challenge to this goal is lack of internet service. There is no broadband internet available here. Up until a few weeks ago, I lived in a complete dead zone. There is no cell service here either.

The dead zone bit has literally just ended this past week. A new cell tower was installed in my area this month. So that’s something, but still not enough.

I have been quiet lately because I am struggling to survive. 

At this point, I do not know if I will survive the pandemic. I do not know if I will be able to keep my house, which is the main thing that keeps the cats and I together. My entire life revolves around my cats. I need to be able to keep them together.

One of my friends started a GoFundMe for me to help me try to pay my bills since I have no income. I split my days between trying to get through to unemployment and trying to job search.

I am not sure if we are going to survive this, but I am not going down without a fight. My cats are the only family I have. 

I will still try to keep up with my goal of blogging at least twice a month, as this blog and my Twitter have been the greatest helps to me in this pandemic.

If you are a praying person, please pray for the cats and me. Thanks.

Four Coffee Dates

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Whether you love or hate the 12 Days of Christmas song, most everyone knows it and will belt out “Five golden rings.” I like to think of the 12 days of Christmas in terms of Christmas vacation. Those are 12 days when I get a little bit of respite from some of the enormous amount of responsibility I shoulder.

When I was a student, I would try to cram as much leisure time into Christmas break as possible. It was the only time when I had the time to read a novel not associated with my degree field. I would schedule game nights, soirees with wine and food, coffee dates, movie dates, and would pretty much say yes to any party to which I was invited. Spending 20 years working 2 or 3 jobs while being a full time student on the Dean’s List left little time for socialization, so I lived Christmas break to the fullest. Even though I still had work and home obligations, at least I had a break from school.

We have had about a week and a half holiday break from my work, and it has been awesome. It is nice to be home and not have to worry about work. I have time to rest, time to read, run, and attempt some of the items on my to-do list. I just wish it would snow. Of course, when I have off from work the roads are bare. Mother Nature waits until work days to make the roads impassable, causing me to use all my vacation time on snow days.

However, with the nice weather, I have had the opportunity to connect in ways that I usually do not have energy for given my disability. I have been on two coffee/tea dates so far with two more scheduled. I am scheduling my coffee dates around my running schedule to reduce the amount of driving I am doing into town. I have had at least three days this week that have been completely home days and it has been awesome.

So while I may not be living it up with house parties, game nights, and nights out dancing like I was ten or more years ago, I am making meaningful connections. Coffee dates allow me to spend an hour with a person in meaningful conversation. Or, sometimes just silently enjoying someone else’s company while people watching out the coffee house window. 

As I get older, I am discovering that spending quality time with people is more important than the quantity of time you spend with them. I may be spending an hour with someone. That hour of quality time sustains me through three subsequent days alone with the cats. I have to admit, I am thoroughly looking forward to the time when I can finally retire completely (not just from my career as a student) and my time is my own. 

The most important part of Christmas is the gift of time, which you cannot buy in a store. I have been enjoying taking time to see people outside of work. I am looking forward to more positive, relaxed interactions. 

How are you spending time with people this holiday season?