birthday

Ride Around the Sun

/ rachelgoes262 / 2 Comments

Today is my birthday. It looks like I’ll be getting another ride around the sun. 

Birthdays are my favorite holiday. I love being alive. Every time I get a birthday, it’s like a giant middle finger to the world that I was able to survive another year of what life threw at me. 

This year, it’s going to be two giant middle fingers.

The past year has been especially hard. I love being alive. It’s hard living in a time of active eugenics when health professionals no longer take any infection precautions and actively promote euthanasia. I have lost count of the number of times this year I have said “no” to the suggestion of the euthanasia clinic.

I remember a time when it was frowned upon to tell people they should die. Now certain people (those with disabilities and certain medical conditions) are actively encouraged. People seem to think I am a burden on society. 

I am very happy to be alive. I love being here. I work full time and help the abused cats in my area that have been used as bait for the dog fighting ring. Yet, for some reason, I am one of the ones that is supposed to “fall by the wayside.” People frequently say things to my face like, “why aren’t you dead already?” 

The physical injuries and abuse from the neighbors escalated in 2024. I reported their behavior in 2023. Several other houses on neighboring streets made reports also. We were all retaliated against. Since anyone complaining about the boom cars has experienced retaliation, the people who are operating the boom cars got the green light that their behavior is not only acceptable, but welcomed, by the village. Their behavior in 2024 was worse than 2023.

I would like the behavior to stop. I have this expectation that I should be able to live in my home free from physical injury. This is a unreasonably high expectation for this village. The boom cars advertise drugs for sale, and we need to support local business, after all.

Some people have suggested that the way to deal with the neighbor abuse is euthanasia. If you don’t like being abused, you should die.

This does not make any sense to me. Again, I am happy to be alive. I feel like I give back to the community. I ran the book club at the library and served on multiple non-profit boards in the area.

For some reason, the village says that people who live in this area deserve to be abused by the 3-4 houses who do the boom cars. If you don’t like the abuse, have you considered euthanasia?

I would like the abuse to stop. 

In the past year, I have been prevented from sleeping for at least 5 straight months. I was purposefully kept awake and only allowed to sleep 2-3 hours a day. We slept in the car on the side of the road. I own a home, but we had to sleep in the car on the side of the road to get some sleep due to the boom cars.

Even then, the car smells like urine. They built an outhouse directly against my garage using my garage as the fourth wall to their outhouse. I smell human waste every single time I have to drive the car to go anyplace. 

That is if I am lucky enough to even be able to leave. The people across the street have started the practice again of actively blocking my driveway. They park cars 2-3 deep across the road. I can’t get out. They won’t move the vehicles. Some of the vehicles are not able to be moved, as they are torn apart in various states of dis/repair in the middle of the street. 

In addition to the lack of sleep and physical injuries, I missed over a month of work as a direct result of their actions. My employer is being understanding because they know I am experiencing harassment from the neighbors. There are recordings, photos, and witnesses. The sheriff department says videos and photos are not evidence. Witnesses have to be “approved village residents.”

My savings has been drained from all the work I’ve missed as a direct result of their behavior. On top of that, I have medical bills I have had to pay for injuries as a direct result of their actions. There goes money I had been saving for home improvements. 

I was planning to make improvements to this house to be a good homeowner and make the village a better place. The village doesn’t want people to upgrade their homes. If the neighbors harass you to the point you can’t work, they don’t care. 

All of this is legal, according to the village, We need to support local businesses. The boom cars advertise drugs for sale. If anyone does complain, they experience retaliation in the forms of more serious physical injuries and threats.

So yes, this has been a very hard year. Two very big middle fingers to the world.

I am happy to be alive. I love being here. I give back to my community and try to make the world around me a better place. I’m very glad to have another ride around the sun. 

My only wish for my birthday is for the physical injuries from the neighbors to stop. They need to stop with the boom cars. I can take people telling me to die to my face and asking me why I haven’t gone to the euthanasia clinic yet. Yes, that hurts my feelings. But they are only feelings.

Being hurt physically is worse. 

No, I can’t leave. The mortgage company will not allow a short sale. These people have tanked my property value due to the bad behavior. They are so bad, the real estate agent will only show houses here in pairs, and houses here are on the market twice as long as any other location in this entire county. 

People blame me for not being financially able to leave. They say it’s my fault. It’s my choice. If I do not want to be physically abused living in this house, I can choose to be homeless. I can choose to be euthanized. People have suggested that homelessness and euthanasia are both better options than living here being abused. I disagree. 

I love being alive. I do not want to be euthanized. I would not last long if I had to be homeless again. I should not have to be homeless to avoid being abused by people I don’t even know. With multiple homes on multiple surrounding streets complaining of the noise, you would think the village would make it stop. Instead, they encourage the behavior.

So here is to another ride around the sun. The only thing I want for my birthday is for the boom cars to stop. I want to be able to sleep, work, and live my life without having blood drip out of my ears and permanent hearing damage inflicted upon me by drug dealers. I don’t want my cats to be taken and used as bait for the dog fighting ring if I complain again. I’m pretty sure wanting this to stop is a pipe dream, as no one has been able to help. But it’s my birthday, I can dream. 

Happy 10th Birthday, Jolene!

/ rachelgoes262 / 3 Comments

Happy 10th Birthday, Jolene! The goddess and queen of our household brings so much joy and life to our home. While physically smaller than the boys, Jolene is in charge of everyone and everything. Even at the vet office, she comes out of the carrier and into the exam room like she owns the practice, and everyone adores her.

Jolene was unexpectedly sick earlier this month and had to have an emergency vet appointment. During her treatment and recovery, there was a noticeable difference in our home. Without Jolene at her best, it felt like the life had gone out of our home. We are so happy she has fully recovered from her illness and is back to her cheerful self. 

Jolene is extremely intelligent. She is one of the most intelligent cats I have ever met. Sometimes she behaves more like a dog. Jolene knows and responds to her name. She comes when called 99% of the time. The only times she does not come when called is when something is wrong – she is physically stuck somewhere, is guarding a mouse in the live trap tube, or is not physically well. 

Jolene gets along well with both of her brothers and with every person she meets. She is curious, loves to explore, and can be quite the diva when she wants attention. She is loving and kind. I really could not ask for anything more. We are so blessed Jolene chose me when I went to the shelter – for a dog, no less! 

It was estimated that Jolene was 5 years old when she was found outside the shelter in a box with her kittens. She watched all her kittens be adopted, then it was her turn. I had gone to the shelter looking for a cat-friendly dog. I wandered into the cat room to help socialize some kittens. I never would have noticed Jolene if she had not made herself known. Jolene was in a cube way at the back, on the bottom. She frantically pawed at the enclosure. The orange movement is what caught my eye. I saw her over in the corner on the bottom and took her out. She hugged me and would not let go. We went into a private “visiting room” at the shelter. 

I had not wanted a third cat, but Jolene picked me out. I am so glad that she did. She has livened up all our lives. In addition to being an older mom, Jolene has a disability. She only has 4 teeth. All her teeth were rotten when she had been dumped at the shelter, so they had to be removed. Despite this, she does not let it hold her back. I thought she would need to be soft food only, since she only had 4 teeth. However, she kept stealing kibble from Jude and Simon, pretty much insisting on eating the same food as the boys. They get soft food for breakfast for liquid and kibble for dinner for their teeth. Jolene eats the same as Jude and Simon. You would never guess she only has 4 teeth.

Spending most of her life prior to adoption outside, Jolene is our Lead Hedgewatch-er. She knows absolutely everything that goes on both inside and outside the house from bugs to mice to birds to squirrels to the outside stray cats. She often runs from room to room to look out various windows to follow someone’s (usually a stray cat’s) progress as they walk about outside. 

Jolene gives so much love to all of us. She has two favorite stuffies that she moves around every single day. She loves a beanie baby that looks like a ghost bear, carrying it around the house like a kitten. She also moves around a giant crinkle carrot toy quite a bit. I often find ghost bear in bed with me, and she also puts it in Jude and Simon’s carriers to show them she loves them too. 

Every year for Jolene’s birthday, I like to remind people to adopt the differently abled pets. Adopt the older ones, the moms, the ones who are shy. Jolene sat in that shelter for a long time. Her kittens were adopted first. She was a 5-year-old mom cat with a disability shoved in the bottom corner at the shelter way at the back of the room. If she hadn’t pawed so frantically for me to see the orange movement, I never would have noticed her. I walked into that room to help socialize kittens. 

Please take the time to visit the shy ones who hide, the older ones, the moms. They all have as much love to give as a cute little kitten. Just because a cat is older does not mean they are “set in their ways.” Jolene adapted to our routine. It just takes time. She brings so much love and joy and life to our home. It seems like things were so gloomy before Jolene entered our home. We were never unhappy, but she just brings that much happiness.

It’s like Jolene lights a fire under Jude and Simon and gets them to play. Jude would not play a lot until Jolene came along. Jolene truly brings out the best in everyone she meets. 

We watched a documentary recently about cats on Nova and learned that orange cats were not common in the wild. Orange was a recessive trait. Orange cats could not camouflage and hide in the wild. Orange cats did not last long in the wild – they could not hide and were prey.

 It was the ancient Egyptians who specifically bred orange cats, to honor their sun god. Mummified cats have even been found with orange fur. They were considered gods/goddesses. Jolene is definitely a goddess. She is queen of our home. 

Adopt don’t shop. Consider the shy, the elderly, and the moms.

Happy 10th Birthday, Jolene! We love you! 

Happy 12th Birthday, Jude!

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Today is Jude’s 12th birthday. It is also his Gotcha Day. Jude has officially been with me for a decade now. Every single day he truly lives up to his name by taking a sad song and making it better. Jude brings so much joy to our home. 

Jude is my lead coworker. He knows when I am working and typically sleeps in the cat bed next to me. The past few months he has even started to sit in my lap. Jude has been having health issues since the fall and has been sitting in my lap since he became unwell. 

The vet office has not yet been able to pinpoint a cause for his issues. He was having trouble eating and stopped eating. I changed his food, which has helped. He has had dental care at the vet office. He is scheduled for another procedure later this month to see if that will help him. To be honest, I kind of think that Jude is older than we all think and that he is showing signs of advancing age.

Jude is the man of the house. He is definitely in-charge. That is, unless something involves Jolene. Jude treats Jolene much the same as he treated Kitty the last few years he was alive. Kitty and Jude were together for 3 years before Kitty passed away from cancer. Jude treated Kitty with respect. He cuddled him, groomed him, and would play with him. Somehow, Jude seemed to know when Kitty had enough playing and would stop.

Jude is quite similar with Jolene. He plays with Jolene, but you can tell when he does that he thinks twice about it. He will play with her a little bit and then stop. Basically if Jolene does something “back” to Jude, he will stop and run away. 

Jude plays more with Simon. Sometimes, I worry that he plays too rough with Simon. However, there are plenty of times I find Jude and Simon cuddling together and grooming each other. The play is two-sided. Simon does batt back at Jude. 

Jude was an only child for 7 months after Kitty passed away. I had not been ready to adopt again, but Jude was acting like he was lonely and needed another friend. I remember when I adopted Simon to be Jude’s friend. I kept Simon separate at first to do the slow introduction I always do with a new cat. However, Simon had only been home for a day when they were already playing “paws” under the door. Jude accepted Simon quite readily into the household. 

I worry about Jude’s health issues. We never know how long we have on this earth. I am so privileged to have had this decade with Jude. He has completely taken a sad song and made it better. I am hoping that Jude is with me for many more years. Of course, he is getting all the vet care he needs. But you never know how things are going to go. 

Based on his attitude, Jude is a fighter. He is not letting his increasing age get him down. He is still very much in charge of our home. As he ages, Jude has become even more loving with me and with his siblings. He has come a long way from the scared cat that was rescued from a hoarding situation that had 30+ cats crammed into a tiny trailer. Jude is now confident, loved and loving. 

I am so grateful to have Jude in my life. Happy Birthday, Jude. I love you. 

Happy 9th Birthday, Jolene!

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Happy 9th Birthday, Jolene! Today, the Queen of our household and our lead Hedgewatch’er turns 9. Jolene is so loved. She brings life and love into our home. 

Jolene was 5 years old when she was adopted, after having watched all her kittens be adopted. Jolene has a genetic disorder that affects her mouth and only has four teeth. She gives so much love. I can’t believe she waited in the shelter for so long watching her kittens be adopted first.

Please remember when adopting that the moms, the older cats, and the cats with special needs all need loving homes too. They have so much love to give. They give as much love and joy as a kitten. 

While Jolene is much smaller than Simon and Jude, she is the queen of our household. She keeps both boys in line. Simon is younger, but bigger than Jolene. She still treats him like a kitten sometimes. The only thing she does not do is carry him around (he is too big for that!), but she certainly tries. Jude is very respectful of Jolene. He knows she is in charge. He does play wih her, but Jude does not play as rough with Jolene as Simon does.

You can tell sometimes by the look on his face that Jude thinks twice before instigating a play session with Jolene. He allows her to be in charge. Simon would be evenly matched with Jolene except that he is a few pounds bigger than her. She gives as good as she gets, though! Simon and Jolene often chase each other up and down the stairs. 

Jolene follows me everywhere and must always supervise me. She is frequently in the same room as me. If she is not in the same room, she knows where I am. She does get upset when I leave the house. I often come home to her favorite stuffies laying near the door. She piles them all there for me for when I return.

Jolene loves her stuffies and transports them all over the house. She has a toy box full of different stuffies. You never know which one she is going to take out or where she will take it. Her favorite stuffies are carrot and ghost bear. Carrot and ghost bear move every single day, even if the other stuffies do not. 

Jolene sleeps with me every night and I often wake up to find she has put her stuffies in bed with us. She loves both her brothers and can often be found playing, cuddling, or grooming them.

Out of all three cats, Jolene is the one who most loves to bird watch and to Hedgewatch. She takes every opportunity she can to supervise bird flight patterns. She loves when the windows are open so she can both see and hear the birds. She judges the squirrels that steal the bird seed out of the feeders and keeps an eye on all the outside cats and neighbors. 

Jolene will be the first to let you know if something is going on! She is well in tune with the entire neighborhood. She will see an outside cat out the window and knows which window to run to next to track their progress across the yard. 

Jolene knows her name and she answers to it. I have never seen a cat answer to their name as well as she does. She is more like a dog. She will always come when you call her. Unlike most cats, she does not ignore her name. If she hears it, she comes to see what is going on or what you need. 

She is the perfect daughter. Jolene is the first girl cat I have ever had. I could not have asked for a more loving child. I am so glad she picked me out at the shelter years ago (I had gone to adopt a dog!). 

Jolene brings so much love and light and life to our home. She loves everyone she meets. She is the friendliest cat. Jolene is very well behaved at the vet office and takes her medication when mixed in with a treat without fuss. She is the most amazing cat. She is my heart, the love of my life, and my hero. 

Happy 9th Birthday, Jolene! 

Please take time to look at and adopt the older cats, the moms, and those with special needs. Jolene was all of those when I adopted this mama at 5 years old with a genetic disorder. I could not have asked for a more perfect daughter. She is truly an angel from Heaven. 

26.2 Songs in the Key of Life

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Today is my birthday. I am turning 44.

I’m not sure how much longer I will be alive. Not only am I on the euthanasia list, but the American government is actively engaged in genocide with a level 3 biohazard known as covid. We are experiencing a 9/11 worth of covid deaths daily, yet the government says the pandemic is “over.” So many people are dying of covid here, they are being put in mass graves.

But to be optimistic on my birthday, I am hoping to live to age 60 to outlive the cats. I need to be able to take care of them and keep them together.

Before the pandemic, when I bought the house, I decided it was time to take care of some important planning as part of being a responsible adult. I wrote my own obituary and outlined my wishes for my funeral. At the time, I considered this “long term planning.”

Part of my planning was that I came up with a playlist of songs that represent my life. I chose 26.2 songs. A marathon is 26.2 miles. I am a marathon runner. There are 26 randoms songs. The .2 are two Christmas songs, kind of as a bonus. My plan was for the playlist to be played at my funeral for people to have something to remember me by and as a way to have insight into my life.

Given that so many people now are just being thrown into mass graves with all of the covid deaths, I highly doubt I will have a funeral or a death how I want it.

I have decided that on my birthday I want to post my playlist today. I want people to celebrate my life. Every day I am alive is a precious gift. I just want to outlive my cats.

I am quite sure that even if I live for another 15 or 20 years and then die, that my playlist will be the same. These are truly songs that tell the story of my life.

I am giving you the annotated version in random order. The songs are not in any particular order. I will post a link to the YouTube version of the song linked to the song title if you want to listen to my playlist. Each song has a brief description of why it has been chosen.

So today on my birthday, I want to celebrate life by sharing with you the 26.2 songs in the key of my life with you. Enjoy. Celebrate being alive. Life is precious and so fleeting.

Hey, Jude by The Beatles (album version)

This is the song that inspired my baby name. Jude did indeed live up to his name. He came into my life at a very challenging time and “took a sad song and made it better.”

Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

This song has been in the background of my life for as long as I remember. It has echoed off the mountains of the Adirondacks. I named a room in my house after this song. I have just lived it and felt it as a part of me always. From childhood to death. I was not as strong as you think. I have always “wished you were here,” but I honestly never knew who I was wishing for because people always flowed through my life like water. 

Dream On by Aerosmith

Another song that reflects my life. It’s also about hockey. Every time I hear it, I think of the movie “Miracle.” I  love to read. “Half my life is on book’s written pages.”

Going Out in Style by Dropkick Murphys

This was my theme song when I finally completed my bachelor’s degree at Binghamton University in 2011 after having spent 15 year fighting for a 4-year degree while working 2-3 jobs. It also describes exactly what I want for my funeral: “You can take my urn to Fenway spread my ashes all about.”

Old Blue Chair by Kenny Chesney

Wow. This is my Cranberry song. It is my life song. I have literally lived every single lyric in this song. I have “seen the world through a bus windshield.” I spend every Cranberry sitting in an old blue chair. I have often been there to “let go of a lover who took a piece of my heart.” I have fallen asleep in that blue chair and “woke up to a million mesquito bites.” I have lived this song more than any other. It was so hard picking a Kenny song, as he is one of my top 3 favorite artists, but this is my song.

Somewhere on A Beach by Dierks Bentley

In my dreams. This is the song for when I want to give a middle finger to the world. Plus, it is the perfect beach day song for my many day road trips to the state parks.

For What It’s Worth by Stevie Nicks

This is another song I have lived. This is for my first New York girlfriend. Thank you for breaking the geography barrier for me and for teaching me that I am who I am no matter where I am and that is completely okay. “I got to sing, I got to dance, I got to be a part of a great romance, still forbidden, still outrageous …” 

Drumming Song by Florence & the Machine

This was for when I reclaimed my childhood by taking drum lessons. This song healed my heart when Kip died. This song healed my heart when Kitty died. I have cried to this song. I have made love to this song. I fell down the stairs (due to my disability) when this song was playing. I danced around the living room (with wine) to this song. It was hard to pick which Flo song to put on this list, but it had to be this one. This song has seen me through good and bad. “Sweeter than Heaven and hotter than Hell” 

The Ones That Like Me by Brantley Gilbert

Pretty much. You would not believe how many people have called me a bitch to my face. So whether you’re here to toast me in respect or spit on my grave, this is for you. “The ones that need me, got me. The ones that doubt me can’t stop me.”

Cheers (Drink to that) by Rihanna

This is the song that I play when driving north for my annual ADK camping trip. It reminds me of the little outside bar in the middle of the woods that you could only get to by hiking. 

Snow on the Beach by Taylor Swift

Many of my best memories come from the beach in winter. Whether it was surfing the waves or just watching a storm come in, I loved being on the oceans and the lakes. I always joke that Taylor should come to the rainbow side and would be my future ex-wife. Her best albums are Lover and Midnights. So I had to include a T.Swift song. This one just brings back wonderful memories of the cottage on Cayuga Lake and the Kennedy Compound on Cape Cod.

Pocketful of Miracles by Frank Sinatra

    This was my theme song for the brief moments in time when I received respite from my disability. It’s how I think about life and I was so happy to be alive and be able to do what I wanted to do. 

    Love & Affection by Def Leppard

    Def Leppard is my most favorite band of all time. I fell in love with them at 8 years old. I saw them in concert twice. It was so hard to choose, when I love 99% of the songs they’ve ever done. But this one rings true for me and has since I was a child.

    Jolene by Dolly Parton

      I love Dolly. It was hard choosing one of her songs. This is the song that inspired my baby name. Jolene was auburn and white. This is one of the most misunderstood songs in music history. To truly get why this song has spoke to my soul, you need to listen to a podcast called “Dolly Parton’s America” from WNYC Studios (2019) episode 6: “The Only One for Me, Jolene.”

      Roll with the Changes by REO Speedwagon

      The very first time I went to Boston was in high school back in the 90s for Harvard Model Congress. I had flown up from Virginia and was rooming with this chick who completely blew my mind from Chicago. We listened to REO on vinyl and shared strawberry shortcake at Hard Rock. Of all REO songs, this one exemplifies my life. “If you’re tired of the same old story, turn some pages.” 

      Everything About it is a Love Song by Paul Simon

        For my son, Simon. Simon’s name came from many places. It came from Paul Simon, Simon as the character in The Saint, so we had the physics connection with the other kids, and also the Chipmunks. Although, sometimes with his mischief, I would joke he should have been named Alvin. Simon is one of the five most important loves of my life.

        Love Me Like Music (I’ll Be Your Song) by Heart

        This is another song I have lived. This is for my Kennedy Compound secret that we kept for over 20 years. You made me crawl through the window because I would not commit. Yet, my surfboard lived in the garage when I returned from Cali. In memory of days in P-town, nights in Truro and endless sand. All I can say is “thank you.” I left a part of my heart on Kalmus Beach and in at least one part of heaven, I’ll be riding the waves there once again. You were the harmony to my melody. 

        Burnin’ It Down by Jason Aldean

          This reminds me of the person who held my heart in their hands since we were 8 years old. Thank you for giving me some of my best and most memorable birthdays in my 30s. You chose cocaine over me. I’m not judging, I’m not sad, I’m not mad. I was still here for you until I took my last breath. I hope you know that. 

          Come Away With Me by Norah Jones

          This is for the person who not only provided me safe harbor in the storm, but also gave me the strength to stand on my own two feet on the shore without getting pummeled by waves. You taught me to surf. You taught me about wine. You gave me freedom, light and love. Then, you moved on, and it was okay. Thank you for changing my life and giving me the skills I needed to readjust my sails. I listened to this song every Cranberry morning after I met you. You showed me the beauty of lake and ocean in winter. 

            Drive In Drive Out by Dave Matthews Band

            This song describes what I went through going back and forth between Massachusetts and New York for decades. Every time I crossed the border back into New York, it broke my heart. I was crying so hard, it’s a wonder I did not get ticketed more than what I did.

            Lose Yourself by Eminem

            This was my running theme song for the first half of my running career. I had claimed it before it became popular with the rest of the running community. I grew up in poverty. I know exatly what this song was talking about. Running was my one chance in life to be great.

            Remember The Name by Fort Minor

            This was my running theme song for the second half of my running career. It outlines exactly what it takes to run a marathon. When your body gives out, you run with your heart.

            What You Give by Tesla

            This song reminds me of growing up, but especially, high school. I’ve always believed this to be true, even in the times when I felt I had nothing more to give. “It ain’t the life you choose, but the life you live.”

            Settling Down by Miranda Lambert

            This song describes the existential crisis I experienced my entire life from the moment I could think. I have always oscillated between happiness being found on the highway or parked in the driveway. 

            Forty Hour Week for a livin’ by Alabama

            This song reminds me of my childhood. It reminds me of my grandfather working his farm and teaching me that the most important thing in life is to work hard to provide for your family. You have to work hard so you can love. I spent 25 years working 60-80 hour weeks trying to make ends meet before my disability made me slow down to 40 hours a week. I would not have made it if not for the lessons my grandfather taught me. 

            Record Year by Eric Church

            This is what I am giving you. A three inch stack of vinyl with songs in the key of my life. I loved vinyl. 

            The point 2 (Christmas)

            Little Drummer Boy by Jars of Clay

            This is my favorite Christmas song by my favorite Christian rock band. I love the bass on it. The drums on this song is how the little drummer boy is supposed to sound.

              Old City Bar by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

              This song reminds me of Cheers. Beyond that, listen to the lyrics and take it with you.

              The 3 Deaths

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              The theory of the 3 deaths has been attributed to multiple sources. Typically, if an idea can be traced back to three or more sources, it is considered to be common knowledge. The first death occurs when the body stops functioning. The second death occurs when your body enters the grave, by burial or cremation. The third death is the moment when your name is spoken for the last time.

              If Kip was still alive, today would be his 23rd birthday. Kip and Kitty are still both alive today because I keep their memories alive. While they have both experienced deaths one and two, they have not yet experienced death three. I have a feeling that when I die is when they will experience the third death. There won’t be anyone left to remember them. There will be no one left who still loves them.

              My goal right now is to outlive Jude, Simon and Jolene so that I can keep them together. I worry about what would happen to them if something happens to me. They know their names. They know who they are. I know all their likes, dislikes and quirks. 

              In addition to taking care of Jude, Simon and Jolene, I keep the memories of Kip and Kitty alive by still loving them. When I die, they will die with me. My purpose in life is my cats. 

              There have been cats and humans throughout time. Many have been lost to history. Millions have experienced all three deaths. Yet in this period of time, I have loved and saved five lives. I am caring for the three I have now. The two I have lost are still loved in memory.

              I don’t worry about experiencing the 3 deaths myself. My life has not been memorable for anyone but me. I just worry about what happens to the cats without me. 

              Maybe it’s presumptuous to think I am so important in their lives. If I am gone, they will be rehomed and their lives will go on, right? I love them so much I just want the best for them.

              Today I am remembering Kip on what would have been his birthday. I am also remembering Kitty, who is in my heart also. They have not yet experienced the third death because my love keeps their memories alive. 

              Tales from my Surfboard Part 6: The Game

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              It was spring 2012 and it was Fenway Park’s 100th birthday. I was also turning 33 and hoping to finally see my favorite player, Jason Varitek # 33, at Fenway before he retired. Although I had made the pilgrimage “home” – to Fenway – many times, I had never been to a game. I just didn’t seem to have time or money.

              I was in town for the weekend at the end of May for a race. I was scheduled to run Boston’s Run to Remember. I had contacted Lily to see if I could crash with her for race weekend. She was dating someone at the time, so we were “just friends.” I always asked if it was ok for me to show up when she was with someone so that I did not cause issues with her current relationship. If it was going to cause issues, I would just get a hotel room in Southie.

              Lily said it was fine. She was working that weekend and they probably wouldn’t be home much that weekend anyways. I had a key to the house. I could crash on the couch and do my thing. Her current girlfriend wouldn’t mind.

              On Saturday, I arrived about lunch time to drop off my stuff and park the car. I would take the T into the city to go to the race expo. The race was early Sunday morning. I went into the kitchen to drop my car keys on the table in case Lily needed to move it while I was in the city.

              Sitting on the kitchen table was an envelope with my name on it. There was a single ticket to the day’s Red Sox game. I had definitely not been planning on going to a game. I was in town to race. The night before a race I am typically in bed super early. While the ticket was unexpected, I was also excited.

              Lily knew I had never been to a game in-person. I was waiting until I turned 33 to see my favorite # 33 player. He had just retired that year, which completely took the wind out of my sails. However, Lily said in her note that she wanted me to be able to see a game at Fenway for the 100th birthday celebration and she did not know when I would be in town again to go. So she left me a ticket to go to the game.

              I took the T into Boston and went to the race expo. After the race expo, I went to the game. It was a day long celebration. Before the game, I had lunch at the most amazing sportsbar just outside Fenway. This sportsbar even had TV sets in the restrooms. I could still watch ESPN even while going pee.

              I had an amazing time at Fenway at my very first Red Sox game. I felt just like Jimmy Fallon in Fever Pitch with my own Fenway Family.  It would have been even more amazing if Lily could have been there with me. We would often meet at “home” – Fenway Park – in the city. Lily had to work, but we were able to facetime during the 7th inning when she was on a work break.

              Of course the Red Sox won. I had the most amazing time of my life. I also had a little too much to drink, but it was Fenway and I was not driving. I rode the T back to the Cape and Lily picked me up at the T station.

              I will admit I don’t remember a lot about that night, but Lily and her current girlfriend were still fine with me crashing on the couch the night before the race. They also had a bit of fun with me. When I woke up in th morning for the race, I had a bunch of Red Sox stuff written on me in red sharpie. I did not have enough time before the race to wash it all off. I had woken up late and needed to get to the start line. 

              Waking up that morning before the race felt a lot like the scene in Garden State when he wakes up the next morning with stuff written all over him in sharpie. Lily and her current girlfriend took me in to the city and dropped me off near the start line for the race. It was one of the few times I actually had someone there to see me at the starting line for a race. Even though we were not “together” at the time, it was still nice.

              That Red Sox game was one of the top highlights of my life. Even though we weren’t together at the time, she still knew me well. She gave me one of the best gifts ever. 

              More than the game, thank you for the memories. 

              Tales from my Surfboard is a series that remembers lives of people lost to COVID. Stay tuned for another installment … 

              My Forever Valentine

              / rachelgoes262 / Leave a comment

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              Today is Jude’s 10 birthday and also his gotcha day. I adopted him on Valentine’s Day when he was two years old. Jude was seized by the humane society from a hoarding situation. He was found crammed into a tiny trailer with over 30 other cats.

              When I adopted Jude, I had been searching for a month for a suitable companion for Kitty. Kitty was distraught about being alone after Kip passed away. Kitty would get so upset about being home alone while I was at work that I would come home to multiple puddles of vomit because he was so upset. Kitty needed a companion.

              Kitty was declawed (please don’t judge – it was the 90s when he was declawed and I have not declawed a cat since). Being that Kitty was declawed, he needed a companion who would be gentle with him, as I did not plan on declawing a cat ever again. This meant that Kitty did not have claws to defed himself, but his companion would have claws to potentially harm him. We needed someone with a gentle disposition who would not take that advantage.

              A friend of mine had heard about Jude at the shelter. He was friendly with all other cats and was very gentle. He was good about playing with his claws in. He was also quite shy and they were looking for a rather quiet home for him. 

              Jude’s name in the shelter was Raymond. Given his story and his shelter name, I knew he was meant to be. Raymond was my grandfather’s name. I had Jude picked out as my baby name for a boy. I always use their shelter names as a middle name. Jude Raymond could not have been more perfect.

              I brought Jude home and did the slow introduction process with Kitty. They bonded immediately. It was love at first sight. Jude was indeed very gentle with Kitty. In addition to being declawed, Kitty was a lot older than Jude and was a senior. Jude played with Kitty, but seemed to sense when Kitty was tired and would stop playing. Then they would cuddle.

              Even though Kitty was declawed, he taught Jude how to use the cardboard scratcher for his claws. I had bought scratching posts and cardboard scratchers for Jude to use. Kitty would “use” them first and then Jude would mimic him. Jude was a fast learner. Kitty taught him many things.

              After Kitty died from cancer, Jude was alone for 6 months. It was just the two of us. I could tell Jude was sad from losing Kitty. We played all the time. Jude was ready for a companion, but it took me longer to be ready to adopt again. 

              Then came Simon. Jolene came later. There was supposed to be 2 cats and a dog, not 3 cats, but that is a story for another day. This is Jude’s story.

              Jude is an amazing older brother to Simon and Jolene. Jude is the oldest. Now he teaches them everything, just like how Kitty taught him. 

              Jude has really come out of his shell since we moved from the apartment to the house. He plays a lot more in the house than he did in the apartment. He still rolls around on the floor. I never knew a cat to just roll around as much as Jude does!

              He truly is happy. I’m so lucky to be able to see the wonderful relationship he has with Simon and Jolene. Jude still has some shy tendencies from his days as a stray. He is gentle when he needs to be. Sometimes he does play rough with Simon. 

              Jude will always be my Valentine. He was meant to come into my life at the perfect time. He indeed took asad song and made it better.

              Happy 10th Birthday, Jude. Happy 8th Gotcha Day. Thank you for being my Forever Valentine.

              Happy Birthday, Jolene

              / rachelgoes262 / 2 Comments

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              Today is Jolene’s 7th birthday. I never thought I would get a girl. Kip and Kitty (both OTRB) were both boys. Jude and Simon are both boys. In fact, I had been going to the shelter in search of a dog that I thought would get along with Jude and Simon. 

              After Kip passed away, I did not think I would be able to handle another orange cat. In fact, when visiting the shelter, I kind of avoided orange cats just because my heart still ached for Kip. Jolene was in a cage at the far end of the room, at the bottom. No one would have noticed her if she had not started throwing an absolute fit in her cage when I walked in. She kept pawing and pawing and wanted to come out. 

              Who can say no to that?

              I took her out of the cage and was going to set her down to play with her. Except when I picked her up, she hugged me. She would not let go. Jolene picked me out.

              Two years ago today, a 5-year old Jolene was dumped in a parking lot with a box of her kittens. Half of her teeth were missing due to a genetic disorder she has that causes them to go bad. She spent 5 months in the shelter watching all of her kittens be adopted before I walked into the room.

              Jolene only has 4 teeth left now due to her genetic condition. However, she received the health care she needed to remove the dying and painful teeth and infected roots that had caused her great pain for who knows how long.

              Jolene is definitely the Queen of our home. She is in charge. She brings so much life to our home. Both Jude and Simon have come out of their shells more and are more playful since Jolene entered our lives.

              I adopted Jolene in January 2020, before the lockdowns, so she is not a “pandemic pet.” However, pretty much her entire time with us has been in this isolation situation. As we celebrate her birthday today, both of her birthdays have been in lockdown. 

              For indoor cats, every day is lockdown. It’s just that now I join them as I am home all the time. I am so grateful that I get to spend every day with my three fur balls.

              Jolene has my baby name for a girl since I cannot have human children. Jude has my boy name. I honestly never imagined I would have a girl and get to use the name. The name definitely fits Jolene. She knows her name and will respond to it. 

              Jolene is my constant companion and follows me all over the house. She has to know where I am at all times. She constantly brings me gifts – her favorite mouse toy. I often find her favorite mouse toy near me as she brings it to where I am and leaves it. 

              When I return to the house after being gone, her favorite mouse toy is near the door. She puts it there because she knows I am out. That way it is there for me when I return. 

              Jolene loves both her brothers Simon and Jude. They both love her back. She plays with them and grooms them. Jolene is definitely in charge of the house.

              Jolene sleeps with me every single night. In that way, she reminds me a little of Kitty. Kitty slept with me every single night for 19 years. Jude and Simon will sleep with me probably 90% of the time. Jolene sleeps with me all the time. 

              I am so grateful that Jolene chose me to be her mom. I only hope that I can survive the pandemic and outlive the cats so that I can keep them all together and be their true forever home, just as I was for Kip and Kitty.

              Happy 7th birthday to my daughter, Jolene. Thank you for bringing so much joy, love, and light into our lives.

              Life and Everything

              / rachelgoes262 / 4 Comments

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              Birthdays are my favorite holiday. Every time I get one, it’s like a giant middle finger to the world that I was able to survive another year of what life threw at me. This past year has definitely been a doozy. I am so thankful to be alive. 

              I am hoping that this year will be as great as my new number – 42. If you are a fan of Douglas Adams, you will know that 42 is the answer. It is also a great number for baseball. Well before it was International Women’s Day, March 8 was my birthday. 

              Right now, my goal is to live long enough to see another birthday. I am really hoping that I get to see 43 with all three cats as well. Another significance of 42 is that my paternal grandmother passed away at age 42, well before I was born or even thought about. If I can make it to age 43, that will be huge.

              Living in the middle of a pandemic definitely makes you take stock of life. I know that my priority is being able to outlive the cats so that I can take care of them and keep them all together. My second priority is to stay covid free. I am more scared of getting covid and “living” than I am of getting covid and dying. 

              I am a marathon runner. Running is the most important thing to me, after the cats. If I get covid and survive, I won’t be able to run anymore. That’s not life. That’s just a jail waiting to die.

              So I look at the cats, and my goal is to outlive them. Once they are taken care of, then it doesn’t matter what happens to me. These three are going to be my last. I’m not going to adopt anymore pets and then have to worry about what would happen to them when something happens to me.

              Simon is the youngest of the three. He will be turning 5 in May. So, right now, my goal is to live about another 15 years so that I can outlive the three of them. To make it a nice round number that is easy to remember, I am hoping to be able to live to age 60. 

              Given the decreasing life expectancy in the USA right now, I think that age 60 is a reasonable number. I just wish I could retire so that I could enjoy the last 15 years of my life. Unfortunately, that is not economically possible. I will be working until I die.

              As difficult as things are, I am so grateful for this time I have had at home with the cats. We are all safe and get to spend quality time together. My only goal is to be able to continue this so I can take care of them. 

              At age 42, I certainly do not have the answer to life, the universe and everything. All I know is my goal is to remain covid free and to be able to take care of my cats. At the end of the day, the only things that matter are the cats and running. 

              So here is to another trip around the sun. Let’s hope I get the full ride.