Quite a few things are going on with Flower. I will give an update on her progress and challenges as well as what helps and what doesn’t help.

Flower is not ready for adoption. She does not wander around independently unless I am not upstairs. That’s why I have a camera on her. With her mobility issues, I need to see if she is walking normally or limping. If she will not walk around enough when I am around for me to be able to tell, then I view her on camera. 

Flower is terrified of other people. If she hides from me when I go upstairs unexpectedly, how many months will she hide from a person she doesn’t know in a new house? If Flower is adopted now, that person will be starting from square one trying to earn her trust and socialize her. Her progress over these past four months will be lost. 

I am a permanent work from home. She seems me multiple times throughout the day. Even when she does not see me, she hears me all day long. I work in a call center. I literally talk all day. If you are a person who works outside the home 8 hours a day, how are you going to socialize her? Hope she will come out from hiding for the 15 minutes you have to spend with her? 

I paint a rosy picture of Flower on social media highlighting her progress and how cute she is. I don’t talk about the struggles and the frustration. If I keep things positive and cute, then someone will be interested in adopting her and reach out for more information.

Someone on social media said I need to update Flower’s information for potential adopters because it is too harsh. 

I painted a rose-colored picture. If you think the information I have provided is too harsh, then you truly have no idea of how extensive her needs are and how hard it is trying to find someone who will take on a senior disabled cat with extreme PTSD. 

So, if Flower is not ready for adoption, then why did I post the information about her? I posted it because someone forced my hand. I needed to put the information out there because if I didn’t someone who is completely unaware of Flower, her medical needs, or her personality was going to post it instead. 

Let me explain.

This is where we get into the pros and cons of keyboard warriors and how social media is helping or not helping this situation.

At Christmas, some well-meaning person did a huge social media push saying they wanted to see Flower adopted in time for Christmas. Was Flower ready for adoption? No. In December, she was still recovering from her injuries. I was still working with the vet office on medication, etc. She was nowhere close to being ready for a forever home. 

However, as the result of this well-meaning person wanting to see her adopted before Christmas, some other person, out in AZ reached out. I don’t know this person. They don’t follow me. They don’t know Flower, her story, her medical needs, or her personality. They said they were going to post an adoption link that Thursday.

Excuse me. Who are you? 

What was this person going to post? I was frantic thinking I needed to get out in front of this. (A VERY founded concern, as you will see later.)

Because I felt under threat from an unknown person who was going to list Flower, I felt I needed to post more with information about her. So, I did. I posted it. She is not ready for adoption, but I truly felt my hand was forced due to some well-meaning person on the internet.

What about the person in AZ who was going to post? 

Well, they did. On Facebook marketplace, one of the most sleezy places of ill repute on the internet. Then I was flooded with inquiries asking if she was available for target practice (to shoot), if the dog fighting ring could “finish her off,” and if she was “good with dogs.” 

It was alarming and heartbreaking. 

All of this occurred at Christmas, making the holiday even more stressful for me than it already was. All thanks to some keyboard warrior.

Yes, Flower needs a forever home, but this is not the way to do it. Abusing me and forcing Flower into situation she is not ready for is not the way to successfully get her into a forever home.

We will continue with this downward spiral of social media, and then I will let you know the positives it has provided. 

But continuing this downward escalator …

I had someone contact me saying Flower needs to go to a local shelter for adoption, as I am not making good choices for her. First, all the local shelters are full. They won’t take her. That’s how we got into this foster mess, remember? Second, even if they weren’t full, she would be euthanized upon intake due to her age and disability. Third, in the very, very small chance they took pity and did not euthanize her (by some miracle), she would then be in a tiny cage surrounded by other cats and would hear barking dogs. This is a cat that is terrified of other cats and was used as bait as a dog fighting ring. Yet, you think those options: 1, 2, and 3, would all be better than what I am doing working with her in my home right now?

Someone else accused me of not being willing to give Flower up if the perfect adopter comes along. Not true. I cannot keep Flower, and I know that. She needs to be the only pet in a home. However, the perfect home has not come along yet. (Have you read anything written above?)

So far, I have had two genuine inquiries into Flower. Both people live 6 hours away. There would be distance to overcome, but I am willing to work with someone to figure things out if they are the perfect adopter. The first person admitted they would not be able to financially provide for Flower’s medical needs. I was grateful for their honesty. The second person, I did say Flower is not ready for adoption due to her behavior, and she needs more medical care in April. The soonest she MIGHT be ready is May. That person decided to leave the situation alone. I respect that.

Bottom line, Flower has a lot of needs I do not discuss because I don’t want to scare away potential adopters. The only people who have expressed interest are those who want to torture and abuse her further.

Now we get to the final negative point of social media before moving on to the positives. The final negative point: victim blaming.

I have been saying that Flower needs to leave by spring. Will she be ready to leave this spring? I don’t know. Probably not. I’m trying to go based on her behavior.

The problem is, I am running out of time. 

As much as I want to go at Flower’s pace and set her up for success in a forever home, the fact remains we live in an area with violent neighbors. When they start attacking us in earnest again this spring, I won’t be able to keep us all safe. It’s going to be hard to care for Flower and get her ready for adoption when I am laying on the floor bleeding from a neighbor attack (no, the police won’t respond. Battery is not a crime here.)

Then comes the victim blaming. Someone on social media said the abuse is my fault. It’s my choice to live here and be abused and not moved.

As anyone who has known me for a long time knows, I have tried to get the abuse to stop. I want to move. But when apartment rents are more than my monthly income and I can’t get approved to rent, or won’t take cats, how am I supposed to leave? The mortgage company won’t approve a short sale of the house. I will have to stop paying the mortgage and voluntarily let it go into foreclosure to get my name off the deed. With a foreclosure on your record, you can’t get approved for an apartment.

Yet, according to this person on the internet, this is all my fault. It is my choice not to move. I could choose to be homeless and not be abused. Of course, then all the cats would be euthanized too, and I wouldn’t have to worry about fostering Flower. Thank you, keyboard warrior, for blaming the victim in a criminal harassment case. I understand I deserve to be abused simply because I exist. The village does not want working people who pay their bills to live here. We need more drug dealers and animal abusers.

This person even said, “I know you will probably block me for this …” and proceeded to blame the victim for the abuse. If you know victim blaming is wrong, why did you do it? Why did you kick someone when they are down and attack someone who is already struggling?

I did not block that person. Only out of shock. I previously had positive interactions with this person. I’m kind of hoping their conscious will kick in and they will apologize for their remarks because they know victim blaming is wrong. 

Yes, I understand it is my choice to stay in this house and be abused by these people I don’t even know. I alternative is being homeless and having the cats all euthanized. Thank you for suggesting euthanasia as a viable option. I have medical professionals suggesting euthanasia too since I am someone who is supposed to “fall by the wayside.”

That is the downward spiral of social media. Keyboard warriors saying my rosy picture of Flower is too harsh, victims deserve to be abused (your other choices are euthanasia and homelessness – those are better!), and random people halfway across the country listing animals they know nothing about for adoption.

Yes, Flower needs a home. 

I would keep her, but she truly needs to be an only pet. I do not give her that label lightly. I am going based on her behavior. I am going on what’s best for her (even though I have been accused of NOT doing what is best for her).

I do worry I am running out of time. If the neighbors would stop their behavior and not attack us, then I could go at Flower’s pace with everything. I have no problem working with her to get her into a forever home. The problem is that the sheriff department won’t respond to criminal harassment. They have some sort of special relationship with these people. I can’t afford or find a criminal lawyer. Those things take time. Every single time I have made a report or complained, I have gotten retaliation in the form of more injuries. I have been told if I complain again, my cats will be taken and used as bait for the dog fighting ring.

So, unless you are a criminal lawyer willing to help me …

Now that we have given a brief overview of the negativity I have experienced on social media since trapping and helping Flower, we will move to the positive. Yes, I truly did do a brief overview of negativity. I painted you another rosy picture of just how mean people have been to me.

The positivity – 

There are many people who have been encouraging and helpful on social media. I have gotten encouraging comments and advice. Other fosters have reached out to help. I really need that, especially since the shelter is not helping me even with advice. I have never fostered before. I am truly on my own. 

Some people I trust have been reaching out to their social networks trying to find an appropriate adopter for Flower. I truly appreciate their efforts.

People have donated gift cards to chewy and Amazon. I have not asked for financial help, but it has helped a LOT. I have gotten things for Flower. I am going through a lot more cat litter than before with two additional litter pans.

There have also been donations to my paypal, which has also been helpful. Flower means extra vet bills, and her appointments so far have all been emergency due to her injuries. She needed vaccines and blood tests. 

Flower came in riddled with fleas and worms. I am having to Revolution Plus all the cats in this house. I have not had to deal with fleas in over a decade. The Revolution Plus is costing about $110 a month. That is an extra expensive I never expected and did not have prior to helping Flower. 

The vet office always asks if we were using flea medication. I always said no. None of my house cats ever had fleas. The vet office checks them for fleas. They have none. They don’t go outside. Since Flower brought in fleas and worms, I now must treat everyone. 

We are all struggling with the cost of living right now. While I will gladly provide everything for my cats that they need, the donations have been helpful in covering these extra expenses.

I had to get screens to screen off areas for Flower. I got baby food to administer her medication. She has her own blankets and toys. She needed some accessibility items like pet steps and elevated food and water bowls. 

The pet community on social media has been generous with time and resources in helping me through this challenging time. I am trying to keep everyone safe and make good choices for everyone involved. When Flower leaves me and goes to her forever home, it truly needs to be her forever home. This cat already has severe PTSD. If she is adopted and returned, she will be even more traumatized. To be honest, if that happened, she may need to be euthanized at that point. I truly do not think this cat can handle any more trauma than she already has. 

Flower is a sweetheart. She is gentle and loving. She is still scared of everything. She is attached to me but still has her moments when she hides from me. This is why I say she is not ready for adoption. She needs more confidence. Flower also hides from visitors. If she is adopted now, she will hide for MONTHS. If you work out of the house 8 hours a day, you will basically have a room mate cat you never see. Hopefully you have a camera so you can see if she is limping or not. Otherwise, you will have a traumatized cat who is in pan and not getting any help.

That’s not a life. 

I want to set Flower up for success in a forever home. She can’t stay here because she is too stressed with my house cats. I can’t live in a divided house. Asking us to live in a divided house is not fair to any of us. I can’t keep her safe from neighbor attacks if she must be separate. We need to all be together to leave or find safety when they attack. So, she is going to be traumatized being thrown in with my house cats when that happens. 

No one will stop the violent neighbors from attacking and physically injuring us. This is the reality in which we live.

I have hope that the right adopter will come along for Flower. Someone who has the time and patience to work with her. Someone who will take the time to get to know me and get to know Flower and when I say, “maybe May” will say, “ok, let’s keep talking and see how she is doing.”

People like the idea of Flower, but when I give detail of her medical needs and behavior, they realize they can’t handle her. That’s ok. I appreciate the honesty. Flower needs a good match. Flower needs to be the only pet in a home with an experience cat person. The person should be retired or WFH so they can spend the time she needs socializing her. This person needs to be comfortable with the needs of a senior, disabled cat.

Basically, Flower needs a unicorn.

That is exactly what Flower’s forever home Is going to be. A unicorn,

I would keep her, but I have THREE resident cats. I hold out hope that she will stop fearing them and she can just stay here. But based on Flower’s behavior, I can tell you that hope gets smaller each day. Flower would truly flourish in an only pet home. This situation is not sustainable for any of us. It is not fair to any of us either.

For all you keyboard warriors out there – think before you type. Would you say that in person? You know that victim blaming is wrong, yet you do it anyway? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Think about how your actions on the internet are impacting other people. You want Flower adopted before Christmas, only to have someone who doesn’t know her post something about her, and then the foster parent is inundated with abuse requests wanting to use her for target practice? Some Christmas that was.

Yes, Flower needs a forever home. No, she is not ready to leave yet. However, I fully believe her person is out there. Even though she is not ready to leave now, that person will reach out and start to ask questions and get to know both me and Flower so that all three of us can decide together when it is time for Flower to transition homes. 

So yes, please keep sharing about Flower. Keep talking about her. Just because Flower is not ready yet, doesn’t mean people should not ask about adopting her. Because her perfect person is out there and will work with us to make the transition happen in the way that’s best for FLOWER. 

Even though I have been accused of not being fair to Flower, I have only tried to do what is best for her from day one. I can tell you right now, it would have been a hell of a lot easier for me to just completely ignore her limping back in October. But I didn’t. I trapped her and got her medical care because she was injured. I’m giving her a home when the shelter said they were full and would not help. I’m refusing to euthanize her, when the rest of the world says she should be euthanized. (The vet says there is NO reason to euthanize this cat.) Yet somehow, I’m not being fair?

I’m not a perfect person. I’m just trying to help this injured cat. 

Please keep sharing Flower. Her person is out there and will work with us to make it happen.